考研英语写作在线修改练习及作文点评——团结就是力量
说明：文章内容仅供预览，部分内容可能不全。下载后的文档，内容与下面显示的完全一致。下载之前请确认下面内容是否您想要的，是否完整无缺。
【考研1号】《写作160篇》——第一本考研英语话题写作 连续6年命中作文原题 【写作原文】 In this vivid picture,a big stone was jack-up by little blades of green grass,though this looks strange.The picture means that union give strength. It’s an obvious fact that a person’s strength is limited, the power of people is unlimited,especially when we stumble and fall. But to beat emeny we must use collective force.It has been proved in people work together to combat disaster in Sichuan earthquake .In this natural disaster, a strong unity of the Chinese people unprecedented concerted efforts of one mind, though some lost their lives , some lost their home and some other lost their family. Fortunately they got considerable assistance from people all over the world , with these reactions to the rescue ,the reconstruction of the near future . In my opinion , we should follow the example to show unity and mutul aid .Difficulty itself is not terrible if we should unite with all that can be united .in the struggle .Please remember that solidarity means strength , solidarity means victory . 老师您好，看了您的书上印的邮箱我试着发发看，希望您能抽出一点时间帮我看看作文，我感觉自己作文很不幸，实话这篇文章我写了三天，东拼西凑句子。因为现在我自己储存的句子几乎没有，呵呵 ，见笑了。请您帮我看看我的第一篇作文，谢谢。材料来源于考研论坛。 【作文点评】 In this vivid picture,a big stone was jack-up by little blades of green grass,though this looks strange.The picture means that union give strength. 更多精华请登陆 考研1号网 www.ky007.com 1 【考研1号】《写作160篇》——第一本考研英语话题写作 连续6年命中作文原题 第一段：jack sth. up是动词词组，将某物顶起来的意思。 jack-up是名词，文章处应该使用其动词形式 was jacked up give的主语是union，因此应该是gives It’s an obvious fact that a person’s strength is limited, the power of people is unlimited,especially when we stumble and fall. But to beat emeny we must use collective force.It has been proved in people work together to combat disaster in Sichuan earthquake .In this natural disaster, a strong unity of the Chinese people unprecedented concerted efforts of one mind, though some lost their lives , some lost their home and some other lost their family. Fortunately they got considerable assistance from people all over the world , with these reactions to the rescue ,cthe near future . 第二段：第二句enemy拼写错误。 第三句表示“全民一心，团结一致”应该是“group work”较为妥当。 第四句the是多余的，Chinese people就可以了。 第四句缺少谓语动词，只是一些词义的堆砌，可以适当改为：In this natural disaster, Thousands of Chinese people contributed to the refugees and weathered through thick and thin together with them, though some lost their lives, home and family. 第五句，With the help of these rescue crews, the reconstruction of Sichuan can be successfully achieved soon. In my opinion , we should follow the example to show unity and mutul aid .Difficulty itself is not terrible if we should unite with all that can be united .in the struggle .Please remember that solidarity means strength , solidarity means victory . 第三段：首句the改为this具体指代上一段提到的例子，比the更明确些，同时上下文也达到了连贯性。 第二句中if从句中should可以换为could，表示“只要我们能够去团结一切可以团结的力量”这一行为的主动性。 In the struggle是一个介词短语，在文章中上下语句中是多余的，可以删除。 【总体点评】 本篇写作可以看出作者的写作态度是非常认真的，基本上严格遵循了写作提纲的三点要求，只是对于每一段落的拓展句方面的写作还有些欠妥的表达，比如汉语意群的堆砌a strong unity of the Chinese people unprecedented concerted efforts of one mind，忽视了英语句子构成的基本要求（主谓宾），个别词语表达失误，比如people work together都是以汉语思维写出来的英语句子或者短语，则不太符合英语句法的要求。 还有一点就是注意英语书写的格式，很多读者都是忽略了英语标点符号的具体用法，“所有英文标点符号前面没有空格，后面必须要有空格”这一基本原则看似不起眼，但是很多读者都会犯的小错误会给自己的写作增添一定的瑕疵了。建议在以后的写作中一定要注意这些细节问题。 写作素材是可以慢慢积累的，词汇和句子的使用程度在写作应用中会得到提升的。所以不必担心写错句子，关键是迈出“写”的第一步，以后就是不断坚持更多精华请登陆 考研1号网 www.ky007.com 2 【考研1号】《写作160篇》——第一本考研英语话题写作 连续6年命中作文原题 将学习积累的句子应用和改写和积极改正上一次写作的缺点。英语写作的练习也要有计划性，切莫一时兴起，随便练习2篇，一定要有计划性的练习，第二篇写作比第一篇不管是从词汇、句法、段落结构等多角度都要有一定程度的提升，只有这样，我们才能对自己最终的写作满意。建议在以后的写作练习中，多背诵《写作160篇》里上篇的一些词汇、句式、和段落结构，之后在练习后面的话题写作时，可以将先前积累的这些知识点灵活应用下，这样写作水平也会日益见长的。 考研1号图书客服部 2011.08.08 更多精华请登陆 考研1号网 www.ky007.com 3 本文来源：https://www.wddqw.com/doc/3efadb70f242336c1eb95ed0.html