Mens Declaration 男人宣言
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Men's Rules Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!! If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping. 男人的原则 女人，你得知道怎么对付厕板。你是个大姑娘了。如果立起来了，你就把它放下来。我们需要立起来，而你们需要放下来。你可没听过我们抱怨你们老是放下它。 我们可不认为生日、情人节、纪念日是个看看自己能不能再找到好礼物的机会！ 有时候我们没在想你。接受这点吧。 星期天=运动。就像月圆月亏或者潮起潮落一样，随它去吧。 别剪发！永远！长发总是比短发有吸引力。男人害怕结婚的一个很大原因就是结婚的女人剪发，但那时候你已经和她绑在一起了。 你想要什么就直接说。暗示没用！提醒没用！明示没用！说出来！ 我们不记得日期……句号！ 大部分男人有三双鞋——至多。你怎么会觉得我们能从三十双里选一双，看起来和你的裙子很搭配？ 是或否对于几乎所有问题来说，都是完全可以接受的答案。 遇到麻烦的时候，除非你想我们帮忙解决，再来找我们。这才是我们做的事情。同情是女朋友该做的事情。 头疼了17个月已经是个问题了。去看大夫。 吵架的时候，我们6个月以前说的所有话都不算数。实际上，所有承诺只要超过7天就过期作废了。 如果你穿的不像维多利亚的秘密广告上的姑娘，就别指望我们像肥皂剧里的傻小子。 如果你觉得自己胖，你可能就是胖。别问我们。我们老早就被陷害过！ 如果我们说的话可以有两种解释，而其中一种让你觉得伤心或者生气，我们其实是另外一种意思。 允许我们看别的姑娘。反正我们总会看，这是基因决定的。 你可以告诉我们做什么事或者告诉你希望做成什么样。而不是两者同时。如果你已经知道怎么做才最好，那就自己做吧！ 你想说什么，等到进广告再说。 哥伦布不需要方向，我们也不需要。 我们的关系不可能会回到最初约会的两个月。忘了它吧。也别再跟你的女朋友诉苦了。 所有的男人只能分辨16种颜色，就像视窗的基础设定。比如说，“桃”，对男人来说就是一种水果，而不是一种颜色。南瓜也是水果。我们压根不知道淡紫色是什么。 如果痒痒，我们就挠。我们就这样。 我们不会读心术，而且永远也学不会。虽然不会读心术，但并不能证明我们不关心你。 如果我们问出了什么问题，而你回答“没什么”，那我们也会像什么事都没有。我们知道你在说谎，只不过不值得烦心而已。 如果你问了一个你不需要答案的问题，那就别怪听到一个不想听到的答案。 别问我们在想什么，除非你想讨论一下肚脐毛、手枪制式或者怪兽攻击什么的。 外国电影最好还是给外国人看（除非是李小龙或者是战争片，他们说什么都没关系）。 啤酒对我们来说，就像手袋对你们，一样让人激动。 谢谢你能读完这些：是的，我知道，我今天必须在沙发上睡了，不过你知道不，这就像露营似的！ 本文来源：https://www.wddqw.com/doc/67ada31ffc4ffe473368abc3.html