Set It Up《牵线》电影完整中英文对照剧本
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杰西卡 去接电话 Jessica, the phones! 乔纳森 取消我十点的活动 Jonathan, cancel my 10:00. 康纳 进来 康纳 Conor, get in here. Conor? -把我的午餐拿来 -我密码是多少 - Bring me my lunch! - What's my password? 瑞秋 你在哪 你在后面吗 Rachel, where were you? Were you in the back? 牵线 喂 注意点 Hey! Watch-your-face. 来啦 Coming. 不不不 我说了不要洋葱 No, no, no. I said no onions. 洋葱对我是致命的 I said onions were fatal. 我吃了洋葱会死的 As in if there are onions, I will be killed. 我知道上面说"不要复刻" I know it says, "Do not duplicate," 但是我老板说了"要复刻" but my boss says, "Do duplicate." 现在她的规则取代了纽约州的规定 And right now, her rules supersede the state of New York's. 猜猜怎么着 珍妮特 Well, guess what Janet, 我有社会学硕士学位 I've got a master's in sociology 而且今天没啥事做 and nothing else to do today. 所以你想让我等多久都行 So put me on hold as long as you want. 因为在他坐上头等舱前我是不会挂电话的 Cause' I'm not hanging up until his seat is bumped to first class. 我马上来 I'm coming. 我马上来 I'm coming. 我要高潮了 I'm coming. 嗨 塔米 Hi, Tammy. 他想让我告诉你他要和你分手 He wanted me to let you know that he's breaking up with you 然后他要你明天六点半前搬出公寓 and he needs you out of the apartment by 6:30. 你认为你能做主吗 我要和理查德谈 You think you can break up with me? I wanna talk to Richard. 让那混蛋接电话 Get that asshole on the phone. 把这个给我医生 趁热拿过去 Get this to my doctor. That needs to be warm when it get there. 问问是否有传染性 And ask if it's contagious. 真自由啊 拯救自己吧 Be free. Heh. Save yourself. -你要饿死我吗 -不是 - Are you trying to starve me? - No. 我的骨头为了生存都在自噬了 My bones are eating themselves to stay alive. 给我点上次那个同性恋侍者给我上的 Order me that thing that I like from that place 我很喜欢吃的那个东西 with the gay waiter. 所以我们要加餐咯 So we're doing a second dinner? 在明天尤维斯来之前 And make sure that this is at 10,000 steps 把步数给我弄到一万步 before Yuvus gets here tomorrow. 我可不想让他认为我没锻炼 I do not want him to think I was not working out between sessions. 知道了 Got it. 你好 我的天 我等了好久了 Hi, yes. Oh, my God. I've been on hold for so long. 对 松露麦片加芝士 甘蓝沙拉 Yes, the truffle mac and cheese, the kale salad... 还有一个汉堡 and a hamburger. 四十五分钟 Forty-five minutes? 有没有办法五分钟就到 Is there any way it could be five minutes instead? 不行吗 No? 好吧 接下来四十五分钟我都在这 That's fine. I'll be here for the next 45 minutes. 我永远都在这 I'll be here forever. 的士 Taxi! 我在等我老板 Just waiting for my boss. 瑞克·奥蒂斯 他上过财富赢家 Rick Otis. He'd been on Shark Tank. 福布斯富豪榜四十名左右 Forbes 40 Under 40. -门口区域仅限会员使用 -我知道 - Doorway area is for members only. - Yeah. 我得给我女友打个电话 Just gotta call my girlfriend. 她叫苏士 很漂亮 Her name's Suze. She's very pretty. 苏士 瑞克在地区俱乐部工作到很晚 Suze. Hey, Rick's working late at the District Club. 我能见 Can I just meet...? 我挂了 I'm out. 怎么样 要投资吗 How'd it go? You, uh, gonna invest? 等他们想明白如何用老二沾上墨水 I'll invest in that company when they figure out 然后把日本的符号写成"马粪"时 how to dip their dicks in ink and write the Japanese symbol 我会投资的 for "horse shit." 来一发 Do the thing. 想想烤鳕鱼 Think of seared cod. 在你的口中融化 黄油胡萝卜 So melt-in-your-mouth uni. Buttered carrots, 土豆泥 洋葱圈 mashed potatoes, crispy onion rings. 好了 明天见 Okay. I will see you tomorrow. 不 你在说什么 No. What are you talking about? 你跟我一起回办公室去 You're coming with me back to the office. 要我点晚餐吗 Should I order you some dinner? 当然不要 我刚喝了果汁 你有病啊 Of course not. I just had my juice. What's the matter with you. 我知道 只是有时候你会想吃 I-I know, it's just sometimes you end up wanting dinner. 把门给我关上 Shut my damn door. 给你 柯尔斯顿 Here you go, Kirsten. 所以 So... 明天早上我们发布亚历克斯·摩根的简介 tomorrow, we're gonna post the Alex Morgan profile in the morning 下午参加贝利奇克的访谈 and the Belichick interview in the afternoon. 贝利奇克的访谈先等一等 Hold the Belichick interview. 乔什写得就像他在华盛顿邮报工作一样 Josh is writing like he's at The Post. 主题是关于得分背后的故事 The Line Up is about the story behind the score. 我需要重新审视一下 I need fresh eyes for a rewrite. -我蓝色的外套退货了吗 -退了 - Did you return my blue jacket? - Yes. 经过两小时的长途跋涉到达他们的仓库 After a 2-hour commute to their warehouse 然后与一个女售货员进行了激烈的 and an intense talk with a saleswoman 痛哭流涕的交谈后 我得到了全额退款 that ended with us in tears, I got a full refund. -我要拿回来 -没问题 - I want it back. - Absolutely. 还有呢 What else? 你还需要回复一些派对信息 You owe RSVPs to a few partys. 波利的婚礼 安妮宝宝的送礼会 Polly's wedding, Annie's baby shower, 布丽奇特宝宝的送礼会 Bridget's baby shower, 爱丽丝的儿子的生日 Alice's son's birthday. 你已经回复了简的婚礼 You RSVP'd Jane's wedding, 但她们需要你和海伦共用一个房间 but they need your okay to share a room with Helen 因为你俩都是单独去 since you're both coming alone. 我每晚花一千美元 Do they need me to confirm 就是为了像小孩子去夏令营一样 that I'm gonna spend a thousand dollars a night 与别人共睡一张床吗 to share bunk beds like kids at sleep-away camp? 不 No. 这网站才建立不到一年 This site is less than a year old. 我不能指望去参加每一个朋友的朋友的 I can't be expected to attend every friend of a friend's 孩子的三岁生日 kid's 3rd birthday. 谢绝每一个邀请并送上两百美元的礼物 Decline every invitation and send a $200 gift. 两百美元的礼物 $200 gift. 还有现在应该有三个故事创意了 And there should be three times as many story ideas by now. 我也许有一个创意 I might have a story idea. 事实上还不完善 我还没搞定 所以 Actually it's not fleshed out. I haven't cracked it, so... 真好 所以你在我知道之前 Oh, good. So, you're telling me it's bad 就告诉我这很糟糕 before I've even heard it. 这个 称为老年奥利匹克 It's this thing... called the Gerilympics. 是为老年人举办的奥运会 It's an Olympics for senior citizens. 他们有竞速 乒乓球 篮球和举重 They have races, ping-pong, Nerf basketball, and weightlifting. 我是说 没错 人们认为这很傻 I mean, yes, people think it's silly. 人们认为这很傻 但是 People think it's silly, but... 这给了他们生活的意义 他们很多人 But it gives them something to live for. And a lot of them 都是没有得到机会的运动员 比如 were athletes who never even got a chance to, like... 去追逐自己的梦想 To live their dreams. 有时候我会因为运动而情绪化 It's just sometimes I get emotional over sports, 他们如何能提供 just how they can provide... 你的晚餐到了 Your dinner. 我现在去拿 Which I'm gonna go get right now. 我明天有什么安排 What's my tomorrow like? 我把你的午餐安排到了艾·菲奥里餐厅 Um... I moved your lunch to Ai Fiori's. 琪琪想看离婚文件 Kiki wants to go over divorce papers. 好吧 你告诉琪琪滚蛋 Okay, you can tell Kiki she can light herself on fire. 如果她打电话或者 And if she calls or...? 好吧 你告诉她不是她甩了我 Well, you tell her she don't divorce me. 是我甩了她 I divorce her. 然后给我律师打电话让他 And then call my lawyer and tell him to 别为她服务 为我服务 counter-serve her for serving me. 我不知道是否法律上 I don't know if legally... 这是什么 我讨厌这个 What is this? I hate it. 这是你儿子的科学项目 This is your son's science project. 这挺有趣的"如果生活给你柠檬" It's a fun play on "when life gives you lemons..." 我用柠檬电池来充电 I'm using lemon battery to power... 我的晚餐呢 Where's my dinner? 你想吃晚餐吗 因为你说 Did you want dinner? Because you s... 没问题 No problem. 马上来 Coming right up. 我每周在你家点三次餐 I order from you guys like three times a week. 你知道我不会赖账的 我有三张信用卡 You know that I'm good for it. I literally have three credit cards. -我能开张支票吗 -只收现金 - Can I write a check? - Cash only. 如果我明天付你三倍呢 What if I told you I can pay you triple... tomorrow? 只收现金 Cash only. 如果我告诉你这张脸是个面具 What if I told you this face was a mask 我其实是一个一百岁的吉普赛人 and I'm Actually a 100-year-old gypsy 会世世代代诅咒你的家人 who will curse your family for generations? 只收现金 Cash only. 什么样的杂货店不卖 What grocery store doesn't serve 加入藏红花的三分熟的神户牛肉 saffron-infused Kobe beef cooked medium-rare? 我不能现在上去要现金 I can't go up there and ask for 只有你能帮我 only a few options are for you to help me out 不然我就要完蛋了 or for me to finally commit a felony. 你好 这是谁的餐 Hi. Whose food is this? 是我的 It's mine. 你付31.32元就是你的了 You got 31.32, it's all yours. 我有现金 我有好多现金 I have cash. I have so much cash. 不不不 这是我老板的晚餐 No. No. No. Hey, hey. That's my boss's dinner. 如果我两分钟之内不带着它上去 If I'm not upstairs in two minutes with that food, 我就会被开除 I will get fired. -我能借一点钱吗 -不行 - Can I borrow some money? - No. 因为现在这是我老板的晚餐了 Because now this is my boss's dinner. 如果我不在两分钟之内上去 And if I'm not upstairs in two minutes, 我就要被开除了 I'm gonna be fired. 不 你不会的 看看你 No, you won't. Look at you. 你就带着你的兄弟 You'll just swoop in with your lacrosse stick 拿着曲棍球冲进去 and your fraternity connections. 然后你就能升职了 我需要这顿饭 You'll keep getting promoted for no reason. I need that food. 三十二美元 不用找了 谢谢你 Thirty-two dollars. Keep the change. Thank you. 没搞错吧 我记仇了 Is this happening to me? I will not forget this. -随你吧 -等等 先生 - Whatever. - Wait. Sir? 先生 里面有两份餐 一份我的 Sir. There are two dinners. One for me 一份她的 所以我们能分一下 好吗 and one for her, so we could split it, ok? 我拿一份给我老板 你拿一份给你老板 I can take one to my boss and you can take one to yours. 拜托了 这是五号戒备状态 Please. This is DEFCON 5. 你知道五号戒备状态是好事对吧 You know DEFCON 5's the good one, right? 一切安全 什么事也没有 So everything's safe, international travel's fine. 那就一号戒备状态 你知道我什么意思 DEFCON 1! You know what I mean. 你要什么 What are the meals? 好吧 我要给她带松露麦片加芝士 Okay. I'm gonna take her the truffle mac and cheese. 你可以拿汉堡 You can have the burger. 你疯了吗 我不会给他带个普通汉堡 Are you insane? I won't give him a plain hamburger. 他是个有品位的人 He's a man has taste. 好吧 我来弥补一下 好吗 Okay. I'm gonna fix this, okay? 看到了吗 这是带甘蓝的松露芝士汉堡 See what I'm making? It's a truffle cheeseburger with kale. 这汉堡都能获奖了 腌菜是我的 This burger could win awards. Pickle is my dinner. -不不不 -干嘛 - No, no, no. - What? 我不能给他带个没有腌菜的松露芝士汉堡 I won't give him a truffle cheeseburger without a pickle. 我希望明天能拿到还款 I wanna be paid back tomorrow, 8个点的利息 最好给流动资产 8 percent interest, liquidity preference. 我看着像个付得起利息的人吗 Do I look like I can afford interest? 我的厕纸还是从办公室的卫生间偷的 I steal my toilet paper from the office bathroom. 你应该学会随身携带现金 Well. You should really learn to keep cash on you. 你应该记得在所有饭店打烊前订好晚饭 You should remember to order dinner before everything closes. 你记得那个腌菜吗 之前说的那个腌菜 You know that pickle? That aforementioned pickle? 那不是给我老板的 是给我的 That wasn't for my boss. That was for me. 你个混蛋 You're a monster. 我要你明天比我早半小时到这 I'll need you in here half a hour before me tomorrow. 好 几点呢 你还要吃的吗 行吧 Okay, what time would that be? Do you want your food? Okay. -你好 -我来了 我来了 - Hello? - I'm here, I'm here. 你花的时间太久了 我在床上了 You took too long. I'm in bed. 好啊 完美 我跟你一起 Okay. Perfect. I'll get in with you. 我已经睡着了 宝贝 I'm already asleep, baby. 我可以让你醒来啊 用我下面 I can wake you up. With my penis. 不能用我下面 你会完全清醒的 Not with my penis. You'll be fully awake 当它碰到 你懂我意思 when it touches... You know what I mean. 我明天有个挺早的拍摄 I have an early shoot tomorrow 如果我不睡够8小时 我的脸会肿 and if I don't get eight hours, my face could be puffy. 我可以早上打电话给你吗 Can I call you in the morning? 当然可以 祝你好梦哦 公主 Yeah. Sweet dreams... princess. 你可以唤醒我 You can wake me up. 用你的下体 With your penis. 这应该是最后一回合了 除非有个罚球 ...should be the final play unless there's a penalty. 凯洛格 投球 Kellogg throws... 球要被拍出去了 接住了 球接住了 It's gonna be tapped and caught! It's caught! 你起来啦 我的天 You're up! Oh, my gosh, hi. 你的约会怎样 How was your date? 很好啊 他现在在我房间喝着佳得乐 It was good. He's in my room now drinking Gatorade 补充我们激情四射的床战所消耗的体力 to recover from our vigorous love-making. -不错啊 -真的吗 - Nice. - Really? 假的 我加班到很晚 没赶上 No. I worked late. Didn't make it in time. 老铁 我超爱柯尔斯顿那篇 Dude， loved Kirsten's article 关于克利夫兰球迷的文章 about Cleveland fans. -我发给了十个人看 -他真的发了 - I sent it to ten people. - He did. 是不是很棒 派对怎么样 Wasn't it awesome? How was the party? 吉尔伯格也在那 Gilbert was there. 你自从那次以后就没见过他了 You haven't seen him since... 你是说他俩在特快列车的公厕上干的那次 Since she had sex with him in the bathroom on the Acela? 你连这种事都跟他说吗 You told him about that? 不啊 我能从你手势暗号看出来 No. I could read it from your hand code. 我啥都告诉他 哈普 I tell him everything, Harp. 如果我们要避讳每个跟她在公共交通上 If we had to avoid every guy she's had sex with 干过的伙计的话 那我们永远别想出门 on public transportation, we'd never leave the apartment. -闭嘴吧 -你想来杯冰水吗 - Shut up. - Do you want a glass of cold water? -好啊 给我来杯呗 -好 - Yes. I would love that. - Okay. -我爱你 -我超爱你的 - I love you. - I love you so much. -爱你哟 迈克 -我爱你 哈珀 Love you, Mike. I love you, Harper. 他可真是个呆子 天 我爱他 He's such a dork. God. I love him. -我爱你 我去睡觉了 -祝你好梦 - I love you. I'm gonna go to bed. - Sweet dreams. 晚安 Good night. - 珍妮特 - 什么 - Janet? - What? 不可能 No way! 我拒绝了 我 I said no. I... 我说笑的 我说笑的 我愿意 I'm kidding! I'm kidding! I said yes! 哦 我的天 Oh, my God. 可是 我们还不到结婚的年龄 We're not old enough to get married, though. 啥 啥 What? What? 我爱你 I love you. 恭喜 恭喜 我真为你感到高兴 Congratulations. Congratulations and I'm so happy for you. 天呐 天呐 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 我爱你 迈克 我最喜欢的人 I love you, Mike! My favorite people. 我爱你 哈珀 I love you, Harper! -我本来在跟我妈谈 -我会让你谈的 - I was talking to my mom... - I'm gonna let you do that. 我只想和你共度一生 I just wanna spend my life with you. -你是在跟我开玩笑吗 -我的天呐 - Are you kidding me? - Oh, my God. 我超激动的 I'm so excited. 嘿 老兄 Hey, buddy. 哇 你在这多久了 What...? How long have you been there? 乌漆墨黑的你一个人坐在这吗 You're sitting alone in the dark? 你带了男人回家吗 Do you have a guy over? 你干嘛老觉得我带了男人回来啊 Why do you always assume I have a guy over? 不是所有基佬都无时无刻想打炮 Not all gay guys are having sex all the time. -你不是快到点去教书吗 -我睡不着 - Don't you have to teach soon? - I can't sleep. 我办这个艺术展是为了一个孩子 I'm setting up this art show for a kid 他跟他妈妈住在收容所 living at a homeless shelter with his mom. 我觉得他足够优秀去一家公立学校 I think he's good enough to get into one of those magnet schools. 我今天害一个服务员被炒掉了 Today I got a waiter fired 因为他把水珠滴在里克的裤腿上 for dripping condensation on Rick's pant leg, 然而 so... 我仍然要自我感觉良好 I also feel good. 你要知道 你要是升职了 You know. When you get promoted, 就能当那些为学校捐赠物资的有钱人之一 you can be one of those rich guys that donates school supplies. 这样你就不会为自己感到难过了 So you don't feel so bad by youself. 我们爱这种人 我们每年给他制作贺卡 We love that guy. We make him a card every year. -我晚点打电话给你 -记得打哦 - I'll call you later. - You better. 严格来说 这次我确实带了个男人回来 Technically, this time, I did have a guy over. 马丁要走了 他要去红杉资本当副总裁 Martin's leaving. He's gonna be a VP at Sequoia Capital. 你说真的吗 他要直接跳去当副总裁吗 Are you serious? He's jumping associate and going right to VP? 他真的这么做了 那里每个人他都认识 Yes, Rick do. He knows everybody there. 如果你得到他的认可 If you got his stamp of approval, -那就是中头奖 -可是马丁才30岁 - it's the golden ticket. - But Martin barely 30. 我们没跟你说话 狗屎 We weren't talking to you, dipshit. 快去给里克买杯冰沙 Go get Rick a smoothie. 我才不去给他买冰沙 I don't get Rick smoothies. 他现在喝果汁排毒 He's on a juice cleanse. 资助学生运动员可是个热点问题 Paying student athletes is such a hot-button issue. 你就不能让一步吗 你这是在暗示 You couldn't back off a little bit? You're implying 我们靠这些穷孩子发财 we're getting rich off poor kids. 我们不是暗示 是在证实 你的助教 We're not implying. We're proving it. Your AD 去年买了一艘价值200万美元的船 bought a $2-million boat last year. 你的明星球员还在依靠粮票苟活 Your star player is on food stamps. 柯尔斯顿 我们可是个幸福的大家庭 Kirsten, we are all a big happy family here. 我们一直喜欢你 喜欢你在这里的工作 We've always liked you. We like what you're doing here, 但别为了让自己出名而把我们的关系搞崩 but don't make a name for yourself by burning bridges. 我是出于礼貌才把稿子发给你看 I sent you that article as a courtesy. 我一个字都不会改的 I'm not changing a word. 不过等它正式出版的时候再把链接发给你 But I will send you the link when it is live. 柯尔斯顿 这真是太棒了 Kirsten. That was incredible. 你刚刚简直就像 You just feel like... 你还在这干嘛 我午饭呢 What are still doing here? Where's my lunch? 我这就去拿 I'm gonna get it right now. 快告诉我些我还不知道的猛料 Tell me something I don't know! 这些是交易所买卖基金 Here are those ETFs. 你的小伙伴想你了 -实习生 -我的名字是波 - Intern? - My name's Bo. -我才不管呢 -这名字音节很少的 - I don't give a shit. - It has fewer syllables. 去帮里克接电话 我去买午饭 好吗 Cover Rick's phone. I'm gonna get lunch. All right? 不准尿尿 不准离开 不准打喷嚏 Don't pee, don't zone out, don't sneeze. 守着他的电话 当个透明人就行了 Just cover his phones, try not to exist. 千万 千万不要跟他前妻联系 Do not ever, ever connect to his ex-wife. -如果她打过来我要告诉他吗 -要啊 - Do I tell him if she calls? - Yeah. 然后你就要用我的下体去蘸满墨水 And then you gonna slather my dick in ink and use it 写个表示 不 的象形文字 to write the hieroglyphic for "no." -我不懂象形文字 -抱歉 超纲了 - I don't know hieroglyphics. - Sorry. That was over the line. 反正你别告诉他就是了 去吧 But no, don't tell him. Go. 宝贝别再穿衣服了 我这就冲过去 Baby do not put on any more clothes. I'm coming over. 靠 完蛋了 Oh, shit. 有人要被炒鱿鱼了 Someone's ass is fired! -怎么了 -我感觉他是对这个很不爽 - What happened? - I think he's upset about this. 琪琪·奥蒂斯与史蒂文·布朗 -去你丫的 琪琪 -这是她前妻的 - Goddamn you, Kiki! - This is his ex-wife. 琪琪·奥蒂斯是她吗 这样就说通了 Kiki Otis is...? Oh, that makes sense. 精神承诺仪式 你给他看了这个吗 "Spiritual commitment ceremony"? You showed him this? 你没跟我说还要注意他的邮件啊 You didn't say anything about his mail. -你没点脑子 -那是不合法的仪式 - You have no idea what... - It's non-legal. 里克 Rick? 这啥玩意 防爆玻璃吗 What is this?! Bulletproof glass?! 铅笔鸡巴男在哪 Where's pencil-dick? -我感觉我就是那只 -你被开除了 - I feel like I'm pencil-dick. - You're fired. 查利接他的活 Charlie, take his work. 我再也不想看到他的脸 I don't wanna see pencil-dick's face again. 铅笔可长可短 能粗能细 Pencils can be all lengths and girths, 所以 可笑的是他 so, the joke's on him. 你的确是个天赋异禀的人 Obviously, you're talented. 你不需要一个劲的说服我们 You don't have to keep convincing us. 从去掉这些形容词开始吧 Start by taking out the adjectives. 太感谢你了 Thank you so much. 非常乐意为达特茅斯校友效劳 Anything for a Dartmouth grad. 很晚了 快回去吧 It's late. Get out of here. 你能为她干活真是太幸运了吧 You are so lucky to work for her. -我知道啊 -我是从校友杂志上 - I know. - I reached out to her 请求她帮忙的 然后她立刻就回复我了 through the alumni magazine and she responded right away. 现在她要成为我的导师了 Now she's gonna be my mentor. 她太棒了 She's amazing. 哈珀 我要睡一会儿 Harper, I'm gonna take a nap. 半夜的时候叫醒我就好 So, just wake me up at midnight. 但别一下把我吓醒 放个摇篮曲 Oh, but don't startle me. Play a lullaby 然后慢慢加大音量 then slowly increase the volume. 好的 Okay. 还钱给偷菜贼 -你好 -我去 - Hello. - Holy shit. 这是你要的利息 拿着吧你 Here's your stupid interest. There you go. 你怎么还在这啊 你是清洁工什么的吗 What are you still doing here? Are you like a janitor something? 我看着像是个清洁工吗 Do I look like a janitor? 才不是呢 No. 我为柯尔斯顿·史蒂芬斯工作 I work for Kirsten Stevens. -谁啊 -ESPN的体育记者 - Who? - The sports reporter from ESPN. ESPN是世界最著名的体育电视网 好吧 Okay. 连罗杰·古德尔都承认会 She got Roger Goodell to admit he'd 罗杰·古德尔是美国橄榄球联盟总裁 看她的视频 你不认识她吗 seen the video? You don't know her? 她揭露了企鹅队的脑震荡协议事件 She broke the Penguins concussion protocol story 那简直颠覆了整个NHL that literally changed the NHL. NHL是北美职业冰球联盟 那你在这是做什么的 But what are you doing here? 她没走我就不能走 I can't leave until she leaves. 但她又从不离开 And she never leaves. 所以我一直都是这里最后一个走的 So, I'm always the last one here. 我才一直是这里最后一个走的 I'm always the last one here. 不 你不是 No, you're not. 即使里克不在这里 我也会在这 Even when Rick not here, I'm here. 柯尔斯顿在她办公室放了张小床 Kirsten keeps a cot in her office. 里克在他办公室放了张泰普尔公司产的床 Rick keeps a Tempur-Pedic cot in his office. 泰普尔公司是美国席梦思制造商 好比床中的特斯拉 Like The Tesla of cots. 特斯拉是世界顶尖高性能电动车企 柯尔斯顿就像佩奇小姐和伏地魔生的孩子 Kirsten like if Miss Piggy and Voldemort had a baby 还是那种低血糖并且一年都不需要打炮的 and that baby had low blood sugar and hadn't had sex in a year. 别拿婴儿来说打炮的事好吧 没病吧你 Don't talk about babies having sex. What's wrong with you? 你想试试吗 Do you want some? 瑞克把不值200美元的酒都扔了 Rick throws away any liquor that costs less than $200. 我们在工作中 We're at work. 都要午夜了 成熟点 It's almost midnight. Grow up. 已经长大很久了 我能受得了生小孩了 It's been so long, I have the tolerance of a fetus. 这是一次艰难的失利 It was a tough loss, 但我们把它放到脑后 专注下一场比赛 but we're putting it behind us. Looking for the next games. 第三杯还是不行 The third glass is still bad. 如果你看球能和现在看我的奶头一样认真 If you could watch the ball as well as you're watching my tits right now, 你就可以进入季后赛了 you guys could have made it to the playoffs. 我想有朝一日在她的网站上登篇文章 I wanna have an article on her site someday. 天啊 你要不要看看这个 My God. Will you look at this? 苏士被邀请去这些很酷的聚会 Suze gets invited to all this cool shit. 我一个也没能去 I miss all of it. 我失去了所有 已经很久没有去过聚会 I miss everything. It's been so long since I've been to a party. 也没有和男人出去过了 Or made out with a guy. 我甚至忘了怎么 就像是舌头萎缩了 I don't even remember how. It's like my tongue atrophied. 我妈妈在我这个年纪 生下了我 When my mom was my age, she had me. 我却还没交过男朋友 I've never been had a boyfriend. 但你是成年人 But you're like a grown-up. 把话收回去 Take that back. 连个露水男友都没有吗 And not even like a camp boyfriend? 我要像柯尔斯顿一样孤独终老了 I'm gonna end up like Kirsten. 就像买上千美元的盖毯 Like buying thousand-dollar throw blankets and... 却和我的电脑睡一起 sleeping with my computer. 这就是为什么她那么刻薄 That's why she's so mean. 她一直和电脑睡一起 She's sleeping with a laptop. 她有必要跟人上床 She needs to get laid. 她需要和人做爱 She needs to be made love to. 瑞克也需要跟人滚床单 Well, Rick needs to get laid. 他们两个总待在办公室 The two of them are always in this office. 让我们把他们关到一个房间 Let's lock them in the room together 他们就能有性交了 so they can have sex with each other. 想一想吧 我们给他们牵线 Think about it. We Cyrano them 让他们走出办公室 out of the office. 然后他们做爱的时候 我们就是自由的 And then when they're boning, we're free. 我不需要自由 我需要升职 Well, I don't need to be free, I need to be promoted. 我唯一在意的是 All I care about is that 不要在28岁的时候还是一个助理 I'm not still an assistant when I'm 28 years old. 那个年纪真的会让人难过 That's when it gets really sad. -我28 -天呐 很抱歉 - I'm 28. - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 为你 为你感到难过 For you. That's sad for you. 你该走了 You should leave. 拜 Bye. -我做了点东西 -什么 - I made something. - What...? 为什么你走路都没声音 Why you're so quiet. 就像丰田普锐斯 You move like a Prius. -这是什么 -一个电子表格 - What is that? - It's a spreadsheet 上面有我对柯尔斯顿的所有了解 of everything I know about Kirsten. 她喜欢的 不喜欢的 What she likes, what she doesn't like. 我想不出这是要干嘛 I have no idea what this is for. 给他们牵线 To set them up. 为了我们的西哈诺 For our Cyrano. Cyrano: 在幕后为别人牵线搭桥的人 -那是个玩笑 -但也可以不是 - That was a joke. - But it doesn't have to be. 瑞克最喜欢吃什么 What's Rick's favorite food? 艾·菲奥里店的牛排 The filet from Ai Fiori's. 他三点钟会在哪 Where will he be at 3 pm woday? 他儿子的校园剧那 His son's school play. 查理 他讨厌什么 Hey, Charlie, what does he hate? 把杰夫写成捷夫和酸奶油 "Geoff" spelled with letter G and sour cream. 我们知道他们所有事 We know everything about them. 他们喜欢什么 他们不喜欢什么 What they like. What they don't like. 我们控制了他们的所有行动 We control their entire schedule. 我们是幕后操控的人 We are the men behind the curtain. 我们能让他们做任何事 We can get them to do anything. 这很齐备 谢谢你 This is very thorough. Thank you. 完全不用 什么 Absolutely not. What? 我觉得 这太疯狂了 I thought... This is insane. 我很难有时间做额外的事 I barely have enough time to do my extra job. 如果瑞克发现了 他会炒掉我 And if Rick will found out, he'd fire me. 他永远不会发现 He would never find out. 查理 这能救我们 Charlie, this could save us. 抱歉 我要带女朋友去吃午饭了 Sorry, I gotta take my girlfriend to lunch. -我该把这发给你吗 -求你别 - Should I send this to you? - Please don't. 苏士 Oh, Suze. 苏士 Suze. 我以为我们要去吃午饭 I thought we were getting lunch. 不好意思 这两个座位有人吗 Excuse me. Are those two seats taken? 是的 抱歉 他们有人了 Yeah, sorry. They're taken. 是 我知道要吃午饭 Yeah, I know we were. 只是瑞克要我占个位置 Just Rick needed me to save the seats. 他儿子是男二号 His son's the second lead. 我觉得我们可以来个剧院野餐 I thought we could do a theater picnic. 你看起来很棒 Hey, you look amazing. 今天早上还顺利吗 How'd the, uh, thing go this morning? 挺好 我预订了老海军战役运动 Good. I booked that Old Navy campaign. 难以置信 That is incredible. 你看 我就要经常去旅行了 Look, I'm gonna be traveling so much 而你已经这么忙 and you're already so busy. 不 我不忙 我不忙 No. I'm not that, I'm not busy. 我不想和给别人占座的家伙在一起 I don't wanna be with a guy saving somebody else's seats. 我想要能让人占座的家伙 你了解吗 I want the guy whose seats are being saved, you know? 我觉得我们应该停止了 不 I think we should stop. No! 你看 我知道这让人恼火 Look, I know this is annoying... 女士 我敢为这些座位拼命 Ma'am, I would lay my life down for these seats. 如果你不敢这么说 就走开 If you can't say the same, move on. 我们能想到办法的 We can make this work. 我就要升职了 行程会轻松点 I'm about to get promoted. My schedule is gonna be so much easier. 到时候就该别人给我们占座了 Then our seats are gonna be saved. 我答应你 I promise. 嘿 不好意思 Hey. Excuse me. -嘿 爸 -嘿 我喜欢你的胡子 - Hey, dad. - Hey, I like the beard. -这是你占的吗 -是 - You got these seats? - Yeah. 你要马上给我找个女按摩师 You're gonna have to get me a masseuse. 我们离舞台就三厘米 We're three centimeters from the stage. 你是有毛病吗 我的脖子会仰坏的 What is wrong with you? I'll mess up my neck. 有很多辣妈啊 Lot of hot moms here. 美女 Holler. 我加入 I'm in. 他们做爱 我们就自由了 是吗 When they're boning, we're free, right? 他们可能在哪见面 他们可能在哪见面 Where could they meet? Where could they meet? -瑞克通常在地区俱乐部里 -好 - Rick's usually at the District Club. - Okay. 她能够在那撞见他吗 Could she run into him there? 是 当然 她能撞见他 Yeah. Sure. She can just run into him. 不过她需要被两个现会员和一个前会员 After she's been nominated by two current members, 推荐 然后被董事会批准 one former member, approved by the board. 还需要变下性 Also has a sex change. 技术上讲 女人是可以的 Technically, women are allowed. 好吧 我明白 Okay, I get it. 瑞克只关心赢钱 All Rick cares about winning. 所以我们只需要让你老板以为是笔交易 So we just gotta make your boss seem like a business deal 或一次垒球比赛 or a softball game. 柯尔斯顿只关心她的网站 商标 All Kirsten cares about is her site, her brand. 这就像她的孩子 It's like her baby. 她不该真有小孩 She shouldn't have a real baby. 你怎么敢 How dare you. 但的确 我也认为这是其中的一大部分 But yes, I do think that's a huge part of it. 我们需要一次美丽的邂逅 就像 We need a meet cute. Like, 每一个伟大的爱情都有美丽的邂逅 every great romance has a meet cute. 就像 被困在电梯里或之类的 但是 Like, getting stuck in an elevator or something, but... 为什么不就把他们困在电梯里 Why don't we just get them stuck in an elevator. 我们要怎么做到 Because how would we do that? 你不认识恐怖蒂姆吗 You don't know Creepy Tim? 一盆多肉 A succulent. 你在这能种植物吗 Can you grow plants down here? 不能 他们只会慢慢死掉 Oh, no. They just slowly die. 所以 伙计 我们想关会儿电梯 So, buddy, we wanted to shut down the elevator for a few minutes, 然后让两个人陷入爱河 so two people could fall in love. 查理 Charlie... 唯一我认为比爱情还值得热爱的 the only thing I love more than love 是封闭空间里的爱情 is love in enclosed spaces. 还有多肉 And succulents. 既然你已经给了我一盆 And you already gave me one of those, 所以 我的答案是可以 so, my answer is yes. 猎鹰一号正回窝去 Falcon One's headed to the Nest. 我们要打开潘多拉的盒子了 We are a go for Pandora's Box. 我们不是秘密机构 说电梯就行了 You're not in the Secret Service. You can say "elevator." 我们就要打开潘多拉的盒子了 We're a go for Pandora's Box. 收到 Copy that. 她在那 There she is. 好 你能在她那一层停下吗 Okay, can you stop at her floor? 说说话啊 Say something. 什么 What? 现在都没人看对方的眼睛吗 Does no one look each other in the eyes anymore? 哇 哇 哇 这家伙是谁 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's this guy? 好 你可以走了 先生 Okay, you need to go, sir. 你出去吧 Make your way out. 你们和我想的是一样的吗 Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? -计划终止 -是时候了 - Call it off. - It's go time. 搞什么鬼 What the hell? 你们有说什么吗 What did you guys say? 天啊 天啊 别 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, no. 你能把它重启吗 Can you start it back up? 谢谢 天啊 我有重度幽闭恐惧症 Thank you, God. I'm extremely claustrophobic. 这就遭了 That would've been bad. 可是你在卡车里工作 But you work on a truck. 随它吧 瑞克 Let it go, Rick. 你的工作需要坐电梯 Your job is to ride elevators. 你的幽闭恐惧症怎么办 How are you claustrophobic? 我通常走楼梯 但今天是个大日子 I usually take the stairs. But today was really a big day for me. 可以了 我们就别把这搞得更糟了 Okay, let's not make it any worse. -你干嘛这么做 -这不是我 - Why did you do that? - That wasn't me. 这大概是真的系统失灵了 I think it might be an actual system malfunction. 天啊 Oh, my God. 这以前从没发生过 This has never happened before. 讽刺啊 你这变化无常的女王 Oh, irony, you fickle queen. 我的噩梦总是这么开始的 Yup. This is how it always starts in my nightmare. 那就来吧 好吧 Here we go. All right. 我们只是需要冷静下来 We just all need to calm down. -你在干什么 -他在干什么 - Uh, what are you doing? - What is he doing? 是不是变热了 Is it getting hot in here? 不要那么做了 拜托 现在停下 Stop doing that, please. Stop that right now. -我要摆脱这些 -停下 - I need to be free of this. - Stop that. 好的 Okay. 好吧 裤子脱了 我要打消防员电话 Okay, the pants are off. I'm calling the firefighters. 别 我在找真正的警察 Don't. I'm calling the real police. 好吧 这个按钮就是专门设计来 Okay, this button is specifically designed 应对这种紧急情况 for this type of emergency. 准确地说你需要的是真正的紧急应变小组 Exactly you want the actual emergency response team, 而不是电梯小组的那些混蛋 not the jackoffs assigned to the Elevator Squad. 不 也许我们可以做根绳子 No. Maybe we can make a rope. 你得不到回应的 它已经在叫了 You're not gonna get service. It's already ringing. 不好意思 Excuse me. 你看 如果我们同时按下它 Look, If we press it at the same time, 这会搞乱系统 it'll confuse the system. 它已经在叫了 It was already ringing. 我要尿了 我就要尿了 I gotta pee. I'm gonna pee. 如果你尿了 我会了结了你 If you pee, I will end your life. 这是压力性尿失禁 是一个真实状况 This is stress incontinence. That is a real condition 而你一点忙也帮不上 and you are not helping. 我要顺其自然了 I'm gonna listen to my body. 别尿 Don't pee. 尿了 Pee. 别在这里尿 别在这里尿 Do not pee in there. Do not pee in the... 晚了 已经尿出来了 It's too late. I'm dripping. 你好 Hello. 就算我不太擅长解读房间情况 I'm not great at reading rooms, 我也知道这是个成功 but I can tell that was a success. 只能算还好啦 It was okay. 开玩笑吗 Are you kidding? Hmm? 刚刚那是场灾难 他们已经彼此仇恨了 That was a disaster. They hate each other. 仇恨 是可以和解的 爱的反面不是仇恨 Hate, we can work with. Hate is not the opposite of love. 你知道爱的反面是什么吗 Do you know what the opposite of love is? -是冰 -是冷漠 - Ice. - Indifference. 好吧 说得很对 恐怖蒂姆 Well, that's also very true, Creepy Tim. 人们叫我恐怖蒂姆啊 People call me Creepy Tim? 没有 No. 我挺喜欢 I love it. 你的干洗衣服在车里 Your dry cleaning's in the car, 关于西蒙·拜尔斯的简介 and I forwarded you Jeff's itinerary 我已经把杰夫的日程转发给你了 for the Simone Biles profile. 对了 貌似那个和你一起 And, also, apparently some guy 困在电梯里的人 you were stuck in the elevator with 找保安要你的联络方式 asked security for your contact info. -是那个快递小哥吗 -不是 - Was it the delivery man? - No. 好像是也在这楼里工作的什么大佬 Um, some big shot who works in the building. 我猜他是看上你了 I guess he has a crush on you or something. 不过别担心 我跟他们说了不会把你号码 But don't worry, I told them we do not 给出去的 好吗 give out your number, okay? 我听说你和那个体育记者 I heard you got stuck in an elevator 困在电梯里了 柯尔斯顿 with that sports reporter. Kirsten...? 柯尔斯顿·史蒂文斯 我就知道我在哪见过她 Kirsten Stevens. I knew I recognized her from somewhere. 我听说马克·库班在考虑投资她的网站 I think Mark Cuban is thinking about investing in her site. 好了 我搞定了 下面呢 Okay, I did it. What now? 瑞克有位置不错的洋基票吗 Does Rick have good Yankees tickets? 不 他像个普通老百姓坐板凳上看比赛的 No, he watches from the bleachers like a common peasant. 他当然有 Of Course he does. 查理 Charlie? 我真的很抱歉 Hi, I'm so sorry. 真的真的抱歉 我到早了 So so so so sorry. I got here so early 我以为我有时间到处晃晃的 that I thought I had time to dick around, 然后我就去了那边的礼品店 so I went to that gift shop. 谁知道忘了时间突然就晚了 Then I lost track of time and suddenly I was late. 这是我听过最蠢的事 That's the dumbest thing I've heard. -这肯定不是真的 -是真的 - That is not a real thing. - Yes, It is. 这叫逛过头了 我逛过头了 It's the over-dick-around thing. I over-dicked it. 你为什么穿成这样 Why are you wearing that? 因为我要去看棒球比赛 Because I'm going to a baseball game. 那你为什么要穿成那样 Why are you wearing that? 我又不比赛 为什么要穿球衫 I'm not on the team. Why would I wear the jersey? 我去看医生也不会穿白大褂 I don't wear scrubs to the doctor's office. 我去买玉米片 I'm gonna go get nachos. 我犯了个错误 I've made a mistake. 你在干嘛 快来啊 What are you doing? Come on! -波比 -哈珀 - Bobby? - Harper? 好的 我需要你帮忙 我们需要 Okey, I need a favor. We need... 这俩人 the people... 这俩座位上的俩 亲热 in these two seats right here to make out. 他们长什么样 What do they look like? 一个超级漂亮的黑发女子 One is a stunning beautiful woman with dark hair 看起来同时很吓人和鼓舞人的刚烈 and a fierceness that's both scary and inspiring. 另一个就是个男的 The other is a guy. -你知道我搞得定这种事 -很好 - You know I can make this happen. - Good. 40号路易斯·塞韦里诺 Number 40, Luis Severino. 洋基队24岁的多米尼加投手在垒上准备开始 Yankees' 24-year-old Dominican pitcher is on the mound to start. 瑞克已经到了 如果你看见 So, Rick's here. If you see the... 你看见U了吗 就在U的上面 You see the U? He's right above the U. 你有望远镜吗 给我看看 Do you have a telescope so I can see him? -座位这么远不违法吗 -这座位好极了 - Are seats this far back illegal? - These seats are the best. 这上面有个小团体 还能看到整个球场 There's a community up here. And you can see the whole field. 这还有丹尼斯 And there's Dennis. 你好 小甜心 怎么样啊 Hi, sweetheart. How you doing? 就是丹尼斯介绍我进的老年奥利匹克 Dennis is the one introduced me to the Gerilympics. 他是举重冠军 He's a heavy weightlifting champ. 他是什么重量级 负10吗 What does he bench, negative 10? 我听到了 你个小混蛋 I heard that, you little pissant. 我虽然老 但不聋 I'm old, not deaf. -那是你男朋友吗 -绝对不是 丹尼斯 - Is that your boyfriend? - Absolutely not, Dennis. 很好 Good. 现在挥棒的是红袜队16号 安德鲁·贝尼泰迪 Now batting, Red Sox number 16, Andrew Benintendi. 他妈的拿下啊 Let's frigging get that! 给你拍张照 推到陌陌上 I'm gonna take a picture of you and post it on Tinder. 你知道的 男人都爱喜欢体育的女生 You know, guys love girls who like sports. -你在开玩笑吗 -他们真的喜欢 - Are you kidding me? - They do. 他们以为自己爱的是喜欢体育的姑娘 They think they like girls liking sports. 但其实是喜欢穿着运动紧身短上衣的姑娘 They like a girl in a tight sports jersey 一边端着鸡翅 一边把术语说错 serving wings and getting terms wrong. 男人都爱那些喜欢对体育有偏好的男人的姑娘 Guys like girls who like guys who like sports. -懂了吗 -柯尔斯顿来了 - Got it? Oh! - Kirsten's here! 31号亚纶·希克斯走进了击球区 Number 31, Aaron Hicks steps into the batter's box. -你好 -你好 - Hey. - Oh, hi. -真是诡异的巧合 -开始了 - This is a weird coincidence. - Here we go. 我希望你走了楼梯 I hope you took the stairs. 不然我要怎么上来 How else would I get here? 不 我意思是 因为不会有人尿尿 No, I mean, because nobody... Nobody peed. -懂没 -是了 - You know? - Ah. Yes. 你自己来的吗 You here by yourself? 是的 应该还有一个同事的 Uh, yeah. I'm supposed to meet a colleague. 我也是 一个投资人 估计堵在路上了 Yeah, me, too. An investor. I guess he's stuck in traffic. -挥棒落空 -拜托 - Swings and misses. - Come on! 你知道挥棒会落在那里的 You know his slider drops like that! 不是精英吗 加油啊 Be elite! Come on! 冰啤酒啦 卖冰啤酒啦 Ice-cold beer! Get your ice-cold beer here! 我同事来之前 要不要坐到我这边来 You're welcome to take this seat until my colleague gets here. 这是球场最好的位置 It's the best seat in the stadium. 其实 只是球场最贵的位置 Actually, it's just the most expensive seat in the stadium. 我坐的地方能更好地听到两边的教练 From where I'm sitting, you hear both coaches better. 但我同事来之前 欢迎你坐过来 But you're welcome to sit here until my colleague arrives. 左边线上得分 洋基队拿下一分 Single down the right field line, the Yankees score a run. 谢谢 Thank you. 等等 棒呆 我就说嘛 Wait. Oh, yeah! That is what I'm talking about! 好了 洋基粉们 配对啦 All right, Yankees fans, pucker up. -开始了 -来吧 - It's happening. - Come on. 看吧 柯尔斯顿和瑞克 说了会找他们 All right. It's Kirsten and Rick! I told you he'd find them. 好的 好的 来吧 All right. All right. Come on. 来吧 Come on. -不要害羞 -我俩不是一起的 我们 - No need to be shy. - We're not together. We're just... -他们不会亲的 -什么 - They're not gonna kiss. - What? -我们等着呢 -来吧 - We're waiting. - Come on. 分享爱吧 Share the love. 他们很紧张 如果再给些时间 They were nervous. If they gave them more time... 我知道 我知道 I know, I know. -那你们俩呢 -给多些时间啊 - How about you guys? - Give them more time! 就是这个精神 That's the spirit. 你什么毛病 What's your problem? -你谁啊 -不是一个原因好吗 - Who are you? - For a different reason. 下面是谁 就你们了 来吧 Who's next? There we go. There we go. 回到最初的那对 And back to our first couple. 考虑一下吧 最后一个机会 Care to reconsider? Last chance. 天呐 亲啊 亲 按规矩来 No, okay. Oh, kiss, kiss. It's the law! 亲 亲 亲 Kiss, kiss, kiss. -我滴天 为什么 -我不知道 - Oh, my God. Why? - I don't know. 我们要不要给他们送点爆米花还是什么的 Should we send them popcorn or something? 给妈妈的吻 真甜 And a kiss for Mom. Sweet. 来吧 来吧 来吧 Come on. Come on. Come on. -亲 亲 亲 -我们亲过了 - Kiss, kiss, kiss. - We did it already. 亲 亲 亲 Kiss, kiss, kiss. -亲 亲 亲 -好吧 - Kiss, kiss, kiss. - All right. 亲 亲 亲 Kiss, kiss, kiss. 太棒了 Yeah! Yes! 我俩都没新邮件 We have no e-mails. 对啊 当你的舌头 Well, it's hard to bark orders 伸在另一个人嘴里的时候就不好下指令了 when your tongue is down someone's throat. -实话 -我们自由了 世界都是我们的 - That's true. - We're free. The world's our oyster. 我们自由了 和苏士一起玩耍 We're free. Have fun with Suze. 也是你的功劳 It's you, too. -你坐 -你坐4号线吗 - Are you taking the...? - You taking the 4? 有点浪费了刚刚的击掌 Kind of wasted that high-five. 你好啊 Hello. 有没有体育的瞬间让你想哭 Any sports moments make you cry? 我的老天 你是谁 Oh, my goodness. Who are you? 抱歉柯尔斯顿我来迟了 新的咖啡师 I'm so sorry, Kirsten, we came stalled, then there was a new barista, 不知道你咖啡里的牛奶 她 and she didn't know the milk your coffee... She didn't... -瑞克不在这 -柯尔斯顿也不在 - Rick's still not here. - Neither is Kirsten. 万一有精神变态看到他们在大屏上接吻 What if a psychopath saw them on the Kiss Cam 跟踪他们回家 把他们杀掉了呢 and followed them home and murdered them? 法律上说 这个场景里我们在哪里 Legally, where are we in that scenario? 拜托 我看了足够多的《法律与秩序》 Please, I have watched enough Law & Order 知道我们绝对 to know that we are absolutely, -百分百 毫无疑问 -早 - 100 percent, no doubt about it... - Morning. 我想来点咖啡 介意帮我弄杯馥芮白吗 I could use some coffee. You mind getting me a flat white? 介意吗 Would I mind? 这是我的荣幸 It'd be my honor. 哈珀 到我办公室 Harper, my office. 我和一个男人过了一晚 I spent the night with a man. 男人 你和男人过了一晚 A man. You spent the night with... Hmm? 真是太棒了 上啊 姑娘 Oh, wow, that's amazing. You get it, girl. 我们没有睡 但除了睡以外什么都做了 We did not sleep together. We did everything but. 我可不会第一次约会 I'm not the kind of person who sleeps 就和人上床 现在不会了 with people on the first date anymore. 对的 已经有很久了 Right. I guess it had been a while. 比我意识到的要久 Longer than I realized. 我觉得他们不该听见这个 I don't think they should hear that. 等待过程有点密宗式的 The waiting was almost tantric. 什么 What? 即使他很温柔 Even when he was being gentle, 我也能从他的抚摸中感受到力量 I could sense a possibility of strength in his touch. 有点像科科爱抚那只小猫咪 Kind of like when Koko was petting that tiny kitten. 抚摸 抚摸 抚摸 Just like petting it, petting it, petting it. 我们来广播吧 Let's bullhorn. 来告诉我点新鲜事吧 Okay, tell me something I don't know. 这可够新鲜的 Yeah, I didn't know that. -查理 柯尔斯顿刚走了 -瑞克也是 - Charlie, Kirsten just left. - So did Rick. 光明降临 It's daylight. 是啊 好了 I know. Okay. 我要走了 在柯尔斯顿回来之前 I'm getting out of here before Kirsten comes back, 这些都是可怕的恶作剧 and this was all some terrible prank. 我和我昨晚发信息的那个人有约会 I have a date with some guy that I messaged last night, 我们要去打迷你高尔夫 and we're gonna go mini-golfing. 糟糕的主意 That's a terrible idea. 为什么 Why is that a terrible idea? 你有和戴维·马修一样的认真脸 You have Dave Matthews' concentration face. 不我没有 No, I don't. 我看过一次你写字 Mm, I saw you write cursive one time. 去吧玩得开心 让他赢几个洞 Go, have fun. Let him win a few holes. 不好意思 我只有一个洞 Excuse me. I only have one hole. -我的妈 我是说高尔夫 -我也是 - Oh, my God. I meant at golf. - So did I. 你比我先到家了 终于辞职了吗 Hey, you're home before me. Did you finally quit? 不 我提前下班了 No, I got off early. 我在给苏士准备晚餐 Making Suze some dinner. 苏士要来啊 挺好 So, uh, Suze is coming over. That's nice. 你为什么这么说话 为什么语调要升高 Why did you say it like that? Why'd your voice go up? 因为 你知道 她很烦 'Cause, you know, she, uh... She sucks. 什么 What? 如果不考虑她的脸和胸 If you take away her face and her boobs, 你会发现根本听不进去她说的话 you realize she's not saying anything. 这是我听过的最有异性恐惧症的事 That's the most heterophobic thing I've ever heard. 你只是不了解她 You just don't know her. 那你有多了解 How well do you know her? 我知道所有关于苏士的事情 好吗 I know everything about Suze, all right? 我们经常聊天 我天天给她发信息 We talk all the time. I text her all day. 比如呢 Like? 她是波多黎各人 模特 用海蓝之谜 She's from Puerto Rico. She's a model. She uses La Mer products. 她不喜欢乳制品 怎么样 She doesn't like dairy. There you go. 好吧 如果你想与某人开展一次亲密的 All right. Well, what do you do if you wanna have an intimate, 有意义的对话 你会怎么做 meaningful conversation with somebody? -我会跟你聊 -这不是我的功能 - I talk to you. - That's not what I'm for. 这是你女朋友的功能 做你最好的朋友 That's what your girlfriend's for. To be your best friend. 你才是我最好的朋友 You're my best friend. 我都没在她公寓拉过屎 I've never pooped at her apartment. 这是谁的错呢 你一早就该这么做了 Whose fault is that? Should've did that the first date. 标记你的领地 Mark your territory. 我几乎 我根本没有健康保险 I barely... I don't have health insurance, 但格朗克有次在圣诞节派对上喝得烂醉 but Gronk got wasted at a Christmas party. 说真的 你有个完美的工作 You seriously have the dream job. 柯尔斯顿才是那个有完美工作的人 Well, Kirsten has the dream job. 我爱柯尔斯顿·史蒂芬斯 太酷了 I love Kirsten Stevens. So cool. 是啊 Yeah. -等下 她是怎么样的 -她很 - Wait, what's she like? - She's... -她超棒 真的 -是吗 - Well, she's great. She's great, really. - Yeah? 她聪明又勤奋 有点励志 She's so smart and hard-working. Kind of inspiring. -励志 好吧 -是的 - Inspiring? Okay. - Yeah. Yeah. 我们开始吧 Here we go. 球没动 That didn't go. 你故意让我赢来满足我的自尊心 是不 You letting me win to boost my ego, are you? 我想打爆你 我只是在努力 I wanna destroy you. I'm trying 不摆出我的认真脸 not to make my concentration face. 这样啊 我可以站在你后面 Oh, no. Why don't I just stand behind you, 你就能做任何你想做的表情了 and you can make whatever face you want. -好吧 -好吧 - Okay. Okay. - Okay. Cool. Yeah. 我的天 Oh, my goodness. 希望那是你的高尔夫球棍 Well... I hope that was your golf club, 因为感觉真的非常小 because it felt extremely small. 约会如何 约会如何 完美 我们聊天聊得停不下来 无聊 我不该这么说 That's not the right thing to say. -哈珀 -我在 - Harper? - Mm-hm? 我手机坏了 听不了语音信箱 My phone is broken. Voice messages aren't coming through. 是吗 Oh, really? -能听呀 -我说了这个有问题 - Mm-mm. It works fine. - There is something wrong with it! 懂了 Okay. 完美 我们聊天聊得停不下来 无聊 必须让瑞克立刻给柯尔斯顿打电话 -有件事 -不想听 - You know what's crazy? - I don't care. 现在的约会变得太不一样了 Just how different dating is nowadays. 你怎么还没闭嘴 Why are you still talking? 以前 你得先聊上三天才能打电话过去 You know, you used to have to wait three days to call, 但现在女生觉得你等得越久 but now women think the longer you take... 你的丁丁就越小 the smaller your penis. 出去 Get out. -我们在电梯里 -出去 - This is an elevator. - Get out. 我来接 I've got it. 你好啊 Hey, there. 别挂电话 稍等瑞克 Please hold for Rick. 我在跟一个婊子约会 她是个记者 And now I'm seeing this badass bitch. She's a journalist. 很好 现在的约会好太多了 Good. Dating is so much better now. 所有人都会发性感信息和脱毛 Everybody's sexting and waxing. 琪琪从来不刮毛 就为了惩罚我 You know, and Kiki, she never shaved, just to punish me. 我只要看到女生身上的汗毛 我就退出 I mean, if I see any hair on a woman, I'm out. 再见 See you. -所以 -柯尔斯顿得做个比基尼脱毛 - So? - Kirsten needs to get a bikini wax. 你就这么跟人打招呼吗 你在说什么 Oh, okay. Hello to you, too. Excuse me? 让她去做一个 你们都是女生 Just tell her to get one. You're girls. 会聊到这个的 You talk about that stuff. 对了 我忘记每天早上走进办公室 Oh, right. I forgot that every morning I walk in, 我帮她做好拿铁 然后我们就谈论梅金 I hand her her latte, and then we talk about merkins 和不脱毛的周期性流行 and the cyclical popularity of the full bush. -梅金是什么 -阴毛假发 - What's a merkin? - It's a pubic hair wig. 用于阴部的假发 A wig for the pube region. 我开始怀念不知道那是什么的日子了 You know, I miss the time when I didn't know what that was. 给你 There we go. 明早你有一个美容项目 Oh, uh, okay. Tomorrow morning, you have that salon appointment. 什么美容项目 What? What salon appointment? 比基尼脱毛那个 I mean, the one for the bikini wax. 比基尼脱毛 我什么时候预定的 Bikini wax, when did I make that? 很久以前 You made that ages ago. 就像年度健康检查 Just like an annual checkup, general upkeep. -哪家店 -你让我定的那家店 - What salon? - The one you told me to make it at. “呼气”那家店吗 Exhale? “呼气” Exhale. 她会把体毛脱干净 She gonna clear out the brush, the bush brush. 清除体毛 Clear out the bush and brush 弄得像婴儿一样光滑 and just make it as smooth as a baby. 你不需要婴儿 To have a baby. You don't need one of those. 婴儿 或者体毛 The babies or the bush or the brush. 我还有很多电话要处理 I have so many calls. 如果我们没有介入 But if we hadn't have intervened, 瑞克就会错过打电话的时机 Rick would have called her too late, 柯尔斯顿的体毛会把他吓跑 and Kirsten's lack of waxing would have turned him off, 他们就不会有第二次的约会了 and there would have never been a second date. 是的 Okay. 我们不能把他们赶出鸟巢就完事了 We can't just kick them out of the nest, 他们都还是雏鸟 because they're baby birds, 会一头栽死在地上 and they are careening to their death. 我们必须得西哈诺他们 We have to actually Cyrano them. Yeah. 西哈诺·德·贝热拉克，大鼻子情圣。 绝对的 Absolutely. Totally. 我们目前为止就是在这么做啊 I mean, that's what we've been doing up to now. 我们还要继续下去吗 That's what we should continue to do. 你知道西哈诺的意思吧 You know what Cyrano means, right? 知道 我又不傻 Yeah, I'm not an idiot. 那它是什么意思 So, what is it? 是 两个助理 It's when... So, if like two assistants 给他们的老板牵线 were setting up their boss... 好吧我不知道西哈诺是什么 Okay I don't know what Cyrano is. 我说这个词14次了 I've said it 14 times. 我以为我知道是什么意思 I thought I knew when you said it, -所以一直没问 -意思是一个呆瓜 - and then it was too late to ask. Okay. - It's when a nerdy guy 帮一个帅哥追求他深爱的女人 helps a handsome guy date the girl that he loves 告诉他怎么说 怎么做 by telling him what to say, what to do. 这不是我们在做的事情 That is not what we're doing. 我们完全是在帮我们的“父母”牵线 We're full-on Parent Trapping. 才不是 No, we're not. 我看了很多遍林赛·罗韩的经典电影 I've seen the Lindsay Lohan classic 我知道我们就是在帮“父母”牵线 enough times to know that we're Parent Trapping hard. 查理 重点是我们不能只让他们来电 No, Charlie, the point is, we can't just set them up, 我们得让他们继续约会 we have to help them keep dating. 这件 他是臀控 Yes, that one. He's an ass man. 奥蒂斯先生说您可以在大厅等候 Mr. Otis said you can wait in the lobby. 好好走路 Don't walk like that. 有两种对女生的赞美 There are two kinds of compliments to give a woman. 一种是她已经知道但需要别人确认的事情 The things she thinks about herself but needs confirmed, 另一种是她没想到会有人注意到的事情 and the thing she doesn't think anybody notices about her. 第二种更加重要 The second kind matters more. 柯尔斯顿： 我喜欢你的好胜心 亲亲 瑞克 查理 我明天会晚点来 Charlie. I'm gonna be in late tomorrow. 我先走了 I'm taking the rest of the day. Becca Mike 我的特邀女伴 迫不及待与你一起庆祝 订婚派对 我小睡了一觉 睡觉 I took a nap today. A nap. -你们可以点菜了吗 -还不行 - Are you ready to order yet? - Not yet. -但是我想加点薯片 -没问题 - But I'd love some more chips. - Sure. 睡觉是好东西 但是我有 Naps are great. But I got 更重要的事情 查理 a bigger situation on my hands, Charlie. 下周是贝卡的订婚派对 Becca's engagement party is next weekend. 我必须保证能够参加 I need to guarantee that I can be there. 这对我非常重要 我的计划是这样的 It's really important for me, okay? Here's my plan. 让瑞克带柯尔斯顿去楠塔基特岛 Get Rick to invite Kirsten on a romantic 度过一个浪漫的周末 weekend getaway trip to Nantucket. 那里下周有一个红酒节 There's a wine festival next weekend, 你要把这些信息植入他的脑子 and you're gonna plant all the information 让瑞克觉得是他想这么做的 and make Rick think that he thought of it, 但实际上是我们让他这么以为 but he didn't, we did. -明白吗 -好的 - Okay? - Okay. 然后他们将会被困在一个岛上 And they're gonna be marooned on an island 没有手机信号 with limited cell service, 这样我们俩就能有一个完整的周末 which means you and I will have an entire weekend to ourselves. 完美 苏士的模特公司 Perfect. Suze's modeling agency is 下周六要举办一个化妆舞会 throwing this fancy party next Saturday. 我会去那释放我的荷尔蒙 I'll show up, throw out pheromones. 让所有人知道她有男朋友 Let everyone know she's got a boyfriend. 别在我面前说荷尔蒙这个词 Don't say the word pheromones around me. 对不起 我是说 I'm sorry. I meant, uh, chemicals secreted 把女性吸引向我跳动的DNA的 in my sweat to attract females 我汗液中的化学分泌物 to my throbbing DNA. 这也不行 No, no. 那是 什么 你能 Is that...? What...? Can you just...? 四个汉堡是不是有点多 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 你应该少打几个哈字 You should probably be easier on the "ha ha has." 你只是觉得他很幽默 I mean, you find him humorous. 但你又不是有精神病的小丑 You're not a psychotic clown. 有精神病的小丑 你什么意思 Psychotic clown, what are you talking about? 如果你喜欢高尔夫男 If you like Golf Guy, 你这周就得和其他三个人约会 you'll go out with three other guys this week. -好吧 为什么 -还记得你小时候吗 - Okay, why? - Remember when you were a kid? 如果你有三只蜥蜴 If you had three salamanders, 你每天都和它们三个玩 you played with each of them every day, 然后它们就能活好几年 and they'd live for years. 但是如果你只有一只蜥蜴 But when you had one salamander, 然后你天天捧着它 爱它 and you held it and you loved it, 和它玩 它很快就死掉了 and you played with it, and it just died immediately. 不会吧 No. 男人也同样如此 Well, men are kind of like that. 你如果太关心他 他能感觉到 You put too much focus on him, he can sense it, 你就会意外地害死它 then you're gonna accidentally kill him. 然后你会把它藏进你的抽屉 Then you gotta hide him in your drawer -以防你妈发现 -我就喜欢一只蜥蜴 - so your mom doesn't find out. - I like my one salamander. 好了 我们走吧 Okay, let's get out of here. 等一下 我们都还没有点餐呢 Wait. We haven't even ordered yet. 你好 哦不 我最好赶快走 Hello? No. I better get out of here. -事情紧急 -什么 - It's an emergency. - What? 我们都要点餐和结账了 Well, you know what, I was just about to order and pay. 有急事啊 It's an emergency. 这家餐厅很棒 for my dinner at this very nice restaurant, 我看我就直接去医院好了 but I guess I'll just rush straight to the hospital. -谢谢 -是急事 - Thank you. - An emergency. 老天啊 整条腿都伤了吗 Oh, my God, the whole leg? 这种事总是在你最意想不到的时候发生 These things always happen when you least expect it. 我注意到刚才你的电话都没有响 I mean, I saw your phone not ring. 虽然不是犯罪 但我们都清楚这是不对的 It's not legally a crime, but we both know this isn't right. 为什么我只有台2D打印机 Why do I only have a 2D printer? 难道我是山顶洞人吗 What am I, a caveman? 这里的纸张太多了吧 There's too much paper here! 现在可是数码时代了 This is the digital age! 我想告诉你 我的舌头不再萎缩了 I'll have you know, my tongue is no longer atrophied. 红色警报 黑色警报 完蛋…警报 Code red, code black, code... Shit. 什么红色警报 我听不懂 Code red, I can't tell what that means, 但完蛋警报感觉很不好 but code shit, I feel like that's bad. 计划有变 我不出城了 Change of plans. I won't go out of town. 通知所有人这周末办公室照常工作 Make sure they know the office has to be open all weekend. 没问题 Um, of course. -你没事吧 -当然 为什么要这么问 - Is everything okay? - Obviously. Why would you ask me that? 没什么 Well, no reason. 我是个成功女性 我不需要和一个 I am a successful woman. I don't need to travel 连饭都不会吃的可怜幼稚男去旅行 with a pathetic man-child who can't even feed himself. 当然不用 Of course not. 问个问题 如果你没吃过韩式烧烤 Here's a riddle. Would you tell me 连是什么都不知道 you love Korean barbecue 你会不会跟我说你喜欢吃 if you've never had eaten it and didn't know what it was? 不会 No. 那我们去吃的时候 And if we went there, 你会不会不听我解释该怎么吃 would you refuse to let me explain how it works, 宁愿吃生肉 也不承认自己错了 eat raw meat, rather than admit you're wrong, 等你把肉吐到滚烫的烧烤架时又来怪我 and blame me when you threw it up on a hot grill? 绝对不会 Never. 柯尔斯顿 你需要咖啡吗 Kirsten, do you want your...? 不需要 好的 No, okay. 我二十来岁时有大把男人跟我求婚 A lot of men proposed to me in my 20s. 到现在我可能都离了三次婚了 I could be thrice divorced by now. 我可不会假装去让他 But I'm not gonna pretend to let him 来教我这个世界是如何运作的 teach me about how the world works 就为了满足他勃起的欲望 just so he can get it up! 他就是个混蛋 He's such a jerk. 我担心你糟糕且平庸的表现 I'm worried that your abrasiveness and general demeanor 会成为你职场上的阻碍 will hinder you in the workplace. 你把满满一盘生牛肉放在我面前 You put a plate full of raw beef in front of me, 我以为这是鞑靼牛排 我就成傻子了吗 I think it's tartare, and I'm the idiot? 很抱歉我只是希望 当我坐进一家餐厅时 I'm sorry if I expect my food to be properly cooked 呈给我的食物是经过烹饪的 whilst I sit in a restaurant. 你以为我是什么 厨师吗 What am I, a chef? Uh-uh. 我有米其林星吗 Do I got a Michelin star? 你想要的话你也能有 You could if you wanted to. 她故意做这种事让我出丑 She did this shit on purpose to make me look stupid. 这是在向我展示她的强权 This was a power play. 我不认为她在展示强权 I don't think she tried to power play. 我无法忘掉那烧烤呕吐物的恐怖画面 Can't get the image of barbecued vomit out of my head now. 这破电脑都不认我的密码了 This shitty computer isn't taking my password. -那是我的… -不认我密码 - That's my... - Take my password! 那是我的电脑 That's my laptop. 把我的电脑拿来 Bring me my laptop. 你怎么能让他们自己挑选餐厅呢 How could you let them pick the restaurant? 这本该是你来选的 It was your turn to choose. 不 上次是你选的 No, you chose last time. 该死 Damn it. 瑞克比之前更糟了 Rick is worse than before. -他今天差点炒掉一个邮递员 -我的天 - He tried to fire a mailman today. - My God. 那个邮递员是为美国政府工作的 Mailmen work for the U.S. government. 在我们被杀之前要让他们和好 Get them together before they kill us. 我骨子里能感觉到柯尔斯顿敢杀人 I can feel it in my bones that Kirsten is capable of murder. -那我们该怎么做 -我也不知道 - So, what are we gonna do? - I don't know. 轮到你想点办法了 It's your turn to figure something out. 为什么我下午两点没有任何安排 Why isn't there anything in my calendar at 2 p.M.? 你知道我在家庭活动之后需要认真做件事 You know I need a hard out after family events. 哦 很抱歉 我不知道 Oh, my. I'm so sorry. I didn't know 你是和家人吃午餐 that your lunch was with family. 我现在就安排 I'll figure it out right now. 我花钱雇你就是为了让我的生活更简单 If I pay you to make my life easier, 做不到的话 你就对我没有任何用处了 but instead, you make it harder, you're useless to me. 你明白吗 Do you understand? 坏消息是 柯尔斯顿狠狠地伤了我 So, bad news is, Kirsten ripped me a new one. 好消息是我现在有时间去见高尔夫男了 Good news is I now have time to see Golf Guy. 这是什么 查理 Mm. What is this? Charlie? -我的天 -这是瑞克儿子的科学作业 - Oh, my God. - This is Rick's son's science project. 生活给了我柠檬 我就把它做成柠檬电池 Life gave me lemons, and I used it to battery-power lemonade. 你能修好吗 Can you... fix it? 不行 这本来是个杰作 No. It was a masterpiece, 现在它连一条勋带都得不到了 and now he's not even getting a ribbon. 去吧 离开这 救救你自己 Go, get out of here. Save yourself. -祝你好运 -谢谢 - Good luck. - Thank you. 我们需要一个新的方案 全新的 We need a new project. Whole new thing. -是的 -高尔夫男怎么办 - Yeah. - What about Golf Guy? 我不想把我的蜥蜴握的太紧 I don't wanna squeeze my salamander too hard. 说实话我从来不知道有人只用一双手 I honestly did not know that someone could 就能用柠檬做这么厉害的东西 do this to lemons with their bare hands. 瑞克当时气炸了 Rick was so pissed. 想象一下 一只磕了药的鸭子 Imagine if a duck were on meth, 一直在喊 "嘿 查理 查理" it was like, "Hey, Charlie. Charlie." 听起来有点像那种鸭子 Sounded like that duck. 你为什么要为这种人工作 Why do you work for this guy? -你为什么不索性辞职呢 -你疯了吗 - Why don't you just... quit? - Are you insane? 我用了三年时间做了你能想到的所有破事 I've spent three years doing every shit errand imaginable. 我不能辞职 Can't quit. 要不然得从头开始 I'd have to start all over, 之前做的都白费了 and all of this would've been a waste. 再说了 瑞克是最有名的风险投资家 Plus, Rick is the most respected VC 如果他能让我当上分析师 of all time, so if he makes me an analyst, 我到哪都能找到工作 I can get a job anywhere. 但你喜欢这份工作吗 But do you like the actual work? 没人喜欢工作本身 这就是工作 Nobody likes the actual work. That's the job. 你做到最顶尖 就能赚最多的钱 Do the best one where you make the most money. 那你为什么给柯尔斯顿打工呢 Okay, why do you work for Kirsten? 我给她打工是因为我想写 I work for Kirsten because I wanna write 能令儿时的我感动流泪的文章 the articles that made me cry when I was a little girl, 柯尔斯顿是最好的体育记者 and Kirsten's the best sports journalist there is. 她读过你写的文章吗 Well, has she read any of your stuff? 我还没有写 或者说还没有写完任何东西 I haven't written anything or finished writing anything. 我每天那么多事 又那么累 My days are so long and so exhausting 当我有时间了 我写的东西又很糟糕 it's like when I have time, everything I write is... bad. -事实并不是这样 -就是这样的 - That is probably not true. - It is true. 我本来想给她留下好印象 让她喜欢我 I think I wanted to impress her and I wanted her to like me, 我非常努力地工作 so, it's just like, I worked so hard 成为一个优秀的助理 at being this great assistant 确保她很满意 and making sure she was happy that... 我也不知道 我觉得我已经失去 I don't know, feels like I might have lost 所有的写作技能了 any writing skill I ever had. 这些绝对不是事实 Well, that is definitely not true. 你是个糟糕的助理 You're a terrible assistant. 你能把那个递给我吗 Can you pass me a few of those? -准备好了吗 -准备好了 - You ready? - I'm ready. -不是吧 -是的 - What? - Yeah. 我了个去 这是什么原理 Holy shit. How does that work? 牛奶中的化学键和颜料里的 Well, the bonds in the milk connect with the DNA in the... 我也不知道 我又不是科学家 I have no idea. I'm not a scientist. 魔法牛奶 特大号 MAGIC MILK XXL 所有材料都在包里 真有冠军的感觉 All the supplies are in the bag. Feels like a winner. 这还不如柠檬的那个好 This isn't as good as the lemons. 他并不满意 但他没有摔东西 He wasn't happy, but he didn't break anything, 看起来似乎有所好转 so, maybe that's an improvement. 严格来说 他是对的 Well, technically, he's right, 但考虑到我们那天晚上做出的效果 but given the fact that we did that in the night, -魔法牛奶应该获得诺贝尔奖 -查理 - Magic Milk should win a Nobel Prize. - Charlie! -我去 瑞克好像喝醉了 -什么 - Oh, my God. I think Rick's drunk. - What? 我从来没见他喝醉过 I've never seen him drunk before. 他清醒的时候都很暴力 He's violent when he's sober. 查理… Charlie...? -好吧 -跟我一起跳 白人小子 - Yeah. - Do it with me, white boy. 给我过来 听到没 过来 伙计 Yeah. Get over here, you dig it? Come on, man. 来啊 Come on. 查理鸡肉配燕麦 Charlie chicken and grits 你不会这玩意 You don't know that shit. 你是个好人 You're a good guy. 你知道吗 Do you know that? -说真的 -什么 - For real. - What? 我很欣赏你 I appreciate you. 我应该多跟你说这句话 And I should tell you that more often. 好主意 我们再喝一杯 Good idea. Let's have another drink. -好吧 -哦 不 我来吧 - Okay. - Oh, no. No, no, no. I got it. 我讨厌失败 查理 I hate losing, Charlie. 她觉得我很失败 And she thinks I'm a loser. 我该怎么办 What should I do? 你是个人 You're a person. 你会怎么办 What would you do? -道歉 -不 下一个选项 - Apologize. - No. Next. 告诉她她工作很在行 Tell her she's good at her job. 告诉她你尊重她的所作所为 Tell her you respect what she does. 告诉她你看见她了 Just tell her you see her. -那是什么意思 -我不知道 - What does that even mean? - I don't know. 我觉得可能 I think maybe it's just... 可能这就是我想听到的 Maybe it's just what I'd wanna hear. 你在干什么 What are you doing here? 我看见你了 I see you. 什么 那是什么意思 What? What does that even mean? 我看见你了 I see you. 我看见你了 就像 "I see you," like... 我看见你了 I see you. 把门锁上 Oh. Lock the door. 好的 Yes, ma'am. 我开玩笑的 I meant that as a joke. 你是大佬 You're the boss. 我们去你公寓 我说认真的 Let's go to your apartment. I'm serious. 瑞克 Rick. -查理 -我要四周布满玫瑰花瓣 - Charlie? - I want rose petals everywhere. 我要像抢劫花店一样 I need it to look like a massacre at a flower shop. 他们已经出发去楠塔基特岛了 Nantucket is a go. 他们一小时后着陆 They land in an hour, 我把香槟放在瑞克信用卡上 I put the champagne on Rick's credit card. -给你 -酒店房间都订好了 - Here you go. - Hotel room is all set. -那里将是博纳市 -好的 - It's about to be Boner City in there. - Wow, okay. 有人说博纳市吗 我爱死那里了 Someone say Boner City? Frigging love that place. 哈珀 这是邓肯 我室友 Harper, this is Duncan. My roommate. 他是布朗克斯一位中学老师 He's a teacher at a middle school in the Bronx. 但他是同性恋 所以把持住自己 But he's gay, so, keep your ovaries in your pants. -我会把它们塞回去的 -你在 - I'll just shove them back in there. - What are you...? 你为什么穿成那样 Why are you dressed like that? 今晚贝卡的订婚宴会 For Becca's engagement party tonight. 你穿什么 你其他的短裤呢 What are you wearing? Where are the rest of your shorts? 这些很酷 好吗 These are cool, all right? 苏士喜欢男士短裤 Suze likes short shorts on guys. 住口 你的短裤糟透了 Stop. Your shorts suck. 闭嘴 你们不是朋友 You know what, stop it. You're not friends. 我觉得我们正在变为朋友 I feel like we're becoming friends. 是的 我们是朋友 Yeah, we're friends. -你想参加派对吗 -不想 - Do you wanna come to this party? - No I don't think so. 我要完成这篇文章让自己分散精力 I gotta finish writing this article to distract myself. 分散什么精力 Distract yourself from what? 那个高尔夫男子几天没联系我了 The fact that Golf Guy hasn't called me in a few days. -零接触吗 -是的 但他不久就会找我 - Like zero contact? - Yeah, bet he'll call me soon, 因为他说他会参加今晚贝卡的派对 'cause he said he was gonna come to Becca's party tonight. 管他呢 我无所谓 Whatever. It's not like I care. 这很有趣 It's gonna be a lot of fun. -邓肯 -免费酒水和热狗 - Duncan? - Free booze and hot dogs. 天啊 你完全说服我了 Oh my gosh! Absolutely you've convinced me. 我会去的 I'll be there. 漂亮 她是我的+1 Perfect. She's my plus one. 你是我+1 我是苏士的+1 You're my plus one. I'm Suze's plus one. 你是+2 You're a plus two. -她是我的+3 -我是他的+3 - So, she's my plus three. - I'm his plus three. 什么 What? 我是DJ JC 点燃舞池吧 This is DJ JC, kicking it live on the dance floor. 棒 天啊 Yes! Oh, my God. -你们看见那些帅哥了吗 -别那样 - You see all the hot guys? - Yeah, don't do that. 每个人都那么黝黑 天啊 Everybody's so tan. Oh, my goodness. 看看你 你真漂亮 Look at you. You look so pretty. 邓肯 你认识苏士 Duncan, you know Suze. 我听说你来了 我还是出现了 所以 I heard you were coming, and I still showed up, so... -哈珀 -我是哈珀 - Harper. - I'm Harper. -你们怎么能这样 -每次都被我抓到 - How are you doing this? - I get you every time. Yeah. 住手 别搂搂抱抱 你们不是朋友 Stop. Stop hugging each other. You are not friends. 我们超棒的 We're killing it. 你们相互认识吗 So you guys know each other? 那里像坦克大战 那是战场 It's like Battle of the Bulge over here. It's a war zone. -查理 -他不会叫你 - Hey, Charlie. - He's not gonna call you, -没什么大不了 -我睡了他 - and it's not a big deal. - I slept with him. 我没和很多人睡觉 谢谢 邓肯 I don't do that with many people. Thanks, Duncan. 我睡的第一个人还在我身体里的时候就出柜了 First guy I ever slept with came out while he was inside of me. 我讨厌解释这个 I hate to be the one that has to explain this. 性就是这么回事 That's actually how sex works. 她不是那意思 兄弟 That's not what she's talking about, bro. -他是同性恋 -他在你体内时你发现的吗 - He came out as a gay man. - While he was inside you? 是的 你知道 就像 Yeah, you know, it's kind of like 你试了才知道 you don't really know until you tried it. 然后一旦你尝试了 你真的知道了 And then, once you tried it, you really know. 你知道吗 高尔夫男不是那样 Well, you know what? Golf Guy wasn't like that. 他很完美 He was perfect. 我觉得你对完美的要求真低 I think your bar for perfect is really low. 我们能别说了吗 Can we stop? 我们要玩个游戏叫可望不可及 We're gonna play a game called hard to get. 不可及 不可能 完全无根无据 Hard to get? Makes no sense. It's evolutionarily unsound. 为什么男野人要女野人 Why would a caveman want a cavewoman 就像是 帮我拿点食物 who was like, "Go get me food. 当你回来时 也许有座山洞 When you come back, maybe there'll be a cave for you, 也许没有 maybe there won't be." 男人希望女人 Men should want women 保持山洞最舒适最温暖 that are gonna keep the coziest, warmest caves. 男人需要港湾 Men need shelter. -我保证提供港湾 -上了高尔夫男 - I am guaranteeing shelter. - Screw Golf Guy. 我上了他 因此 I did screw Golf Guy. That's why 我才碰到这该死的问题 I'm having this frigging problem. 不 忘了他 No, forget about him. 我和你去赴宴 我会做你的沙罗曼蛇 I will go with you to the party. I will be your other salamander. 你在说什么 苏士怎么办 What are you talking about? What about Suze? 她该看看山洞没有火 She should see what it's like 是什么样 when her cave doesn't have any fire. 但我不是女野人 我还是人 But I'm not the cavewoman. I am still the man. 我们走吧 Let's just go. 你们要结婚了 You're getting married! 你好 小天使 抱歉我迟到了 Hey, angel, I'm so sorry I'm late. 没关系 我不介意 That's okay. I don't care. 我看着如何 这是我关心的 How do I look? That's what I care about. 你看着如何 你真美 How do you look? You look so beautiful. 真的吗 难以置信 Really? Incredible. 像淫荡的圣体宴对吗 没错 Like slutty first Holy Communion, right? Yes. Exactly. 那是高尔夫男吗 Is that Golf Guy? 不 这是查理 同事 No. This is Charlie, from work. 查理同事 很高兴见到你 Hi, Charlie from work. Nice to meet you. 感谢你邀请我 Thanks for having me. 你们大概都知道 我和许多人约会过 So, as most of you know, I have, um, dated a lot of guys. 听听 听听 这才是我姑娘 Hear, hear. That's my girl. 我喜欢他们很多东西 I've liked a lot of things about them. 好像 是的 我在这里遇到了麦克 Like, yeah. And then I met Mike over here, 他有许多不讨人喜欢的地方 and there was a lot to not like about him. 你们看看 他穿的像个继父 He, um, dresses like a stepdad, as you can see. -他听信经 -都是老生常谈 - He listens to Creed. - Just their old stuff. -没有讽刺意味 -对 但他们很好 - Non-ironically. - Okay, but they are good. 每次他听到喇叭 他就说 那是我的车 Every single time he hears a siren, he goes, "That's my ride." 顺便提一句 我觉得这非常有趣 This is super fun for me, by the way. 但是 And yet... 我完完全全爱上了他 Oh, man, I'm completely and totally in love with him. 我小时候 我祖母 经常说 When I was little, my grandmother, she used to say: 你的喜欢是因为 你的爱是虽然 "You like because, and you love despite." 你喜欢某人是因为他们的品质 You like someone because of all of their qualities, 你爱某人尽管他们有些品质不咋地 and you love someone despite some of their qualities. 麦基 Mikey... 我喜欢你就像我爱你 I like you almost as much as I love you, 我迫不及待要嫁给你 and I can't wait to marry you. 抱歉 你们快点喝醉 我要看笑话 Okay, sorry. Get drunk so I have fun stories to tell. 满上 Wow, all the way to the top. 我觉得我们不需要新的酒杯 I don't think we need new shot glasses. 谢谢 Thank you. 好的 Okay. All right. -敬我最后一个上的人 -就是我 就是我 - Okay, to the last penis of my life. - That's me. That's me, yeah. 好 一 二 三 Oh, yeah. One, two, three. 那是我的车 That's my ride. -他每次都这样 -我知道 - He does do it every time. - I know. -你很擅长这个 -我像李小龙 - You're so good at that. - Oh, I'm just like Bruce Lee. -我都不知道怎么了 -别想那么多 - I just don't even know what's going on. - Just stop thinking. 没人在意 我们跳舞吧 看看这群人 Nobody cares. Let's do it. Look at all these assholes. 想象你瘫痪了 Just imagine you're paralyzed, 突然 你的躯干又有了感觉 and all of a sudden, you get feeling back into your limbs. 现在你就像是商铺外面的充气人 Now you're one of those blow-up air men outside a car dealership. 那很 Yeah, that's... 别奇怪 Don't be weird. 瑞克和柯尔斯顿的但是是什么意思 What's Rick and Kirsten's "and yet"? 什么意思 What do you mean? 就是她说的因为 虽然 那里都是 That "because, love despite" thing, when there are all these... 明明有着这样那样无法走下去的理由 Like all these reasons why it shouldn't work out... 但他们不在意 就像罗密欧和朱丽叶 but they don't care. Like Romeo and Juliet. 我们两家是世仇 但是 Our families are mortal enemies, and yet... 瑞克和柯尔斯顿没有世仇 Rick and Kirsten don't have one. 那很好 你知道吗 我们 Well, that's good, you know? We... 他们不可能爱上对方的点点滴滴 I mean, they can't not like anything about each other. 还没有 Not yet. 但即使他们有友谊 But even friendships have them. 就像贝卡很野 很会喝酒 Like, Becca's wild, and she drinks too much, 她也从不准时付账 但我爱她 and she's never paid a bill on time, and yet I love her. 你喜欢贵的东西 You like expensive stuff... 让一个23岁的人利用你 and let a 23-year-old walk all over you, 你却心甘情愿 and yet you're tolerable. 我没让她利用我 I do not let her walk all over me. 抱歉 你的太阳眼镜呢 I'm sorry. Where are your sunglasses? 你说话太快 对每个人都太好 You talk way too fast, and you are way too nice to everyone... 很明显 除了我例外 except me, apparently... 但是 你是个糟糕的舞伴 and yet... you are a terrible dancer. 造句不是这样造的 That's not how it works. 我要吃披萨 I need pizza. 我们在净化空气 你知道我什么意思吧 So, like, we're clearing the air, you know what I mean? 我可能喝了几杯酒 就像 I probably had a few glasses of wine. It was like... -我的天哪 -你喝多了 - Oh, my God. - You're drunk. -谁 我吗 -对啊 - What? Me? - Yeah. -就是你 -意外啦 - You. - It was an accident. 当然也是故意的 But it was also incredibly on purpose. 安琪儿 你是我此生的挚爱 Angel. You're the love of my life, Yeah? 我为你高兴 and I'm so happy for you. 但是你们屋顶上不让吃披萨 我要走了 But there's no pizza on this roof, I have to go. -你想一起来吗 -不行 - Do you wanna come? - I can't. -真的吗 -我不能 你去吧 - Sure? - I can't. But get out of here. -爱你 -爱你哟 - Love you. - Love you. 查理 Charlie? 是时候走了 It's time to go. 啊 兄弟 要保持真实 会想你的 Oh, man. Keep it real, though. Miss you already. 把这些放在哪里 Where do you want these? 把它们放在桌子上就好 Oh, you can just put them on the table. 香味都要散了 You are gonna let the smell out. 我真希望这个盒子是我的床 I wish that box was my bed. 我知道这听起来会和我想表达的不一样 I know this is not gonna sound how I mean it to sound. -我想日了这张披萨 -我懂了 - I wanna fuck this pizza. - I get it. 你别对其他人这么说 You should never say that to anyone. 但是我懂你 But I get it. 不好意思 邓肯在放Third Eye Blind的歌 I'm sorry. Duncan's playing Third Eye Blind in there. Third Eye Blind 美国乐队 -什么意思 -他在和一个男生交往 - What does that mean? - He's hooking up with a guy. 邓肯是弯的吗 Duncan is gay? 你说啥 What? 开玩笑的 I'm kidding. 我们不能打扰他 We cannot interrupt him. 你知道我又多强壮吗 Do you know how athletic I was? 有惊讶到吗 Impressed yet? 我好饿 I'm so hungry. 太饿了 Too hungry. 老天 不行啊 Oh, God. Nope. -需要帮助吗 -对 - Do you need some help? - Yeah. 把披萨给我吧 Give me the pizza. 不用 我能把它拿到顶上 No. I'm gonna take it up to the top. 当然不行 你手太小了 Absolutely not, your hands are too small. -查理 -我一只手就能拿 - Charlie. - I'll hold it in one hand. 我会像猴子一样爬上去 别动 I'm gonna move my way up this ladder like a monkey. Stop. 别碰我 我能做到 Stop. I got this. -好了 -我的妈呀 - All right. - Oh, my God. 停 保持正面朝上 不然芝士会滑到一边去 Stop. Keep the top up. Otherwise the cheese will slide. 千万别把我披萨弄掉了 Please don't drop my pizza. -什么啊 别逗我笑 -我说真的 - What? Just stop making me laugh. - I'm serious. 别让我笑了 Stop making me laugh. 我不是故意的 我认真的 I'm not trying to. I mean it. -好吗 -它在我手里 不会掉的 - Okay? -It is in my possession. I got this. -你还好吗 -还可以 - Oh, are you okay? - I'm fine. 不 我在和披萨说话 No, I'm talking to my pizza. 登顶 Parkour. 这就是餐厅 This is the dining room. 小心点 Careful. 我数一 二 三 One, two, three. 完美 Yes. -感谢上帝 -看起来太棒了 - Thank God. - That looks so good. 选一片 Just choose it. 这是我吃过最好的一顿饭 This is the best meal I've had... 有生以来 in my entire life. 我应该回 I should probably go... 家了 home. 拿一片路上吃 Slice for the road? 给我两片 谢谢 Two, please. 但把它卷成饼底朝外 But roll it crust-side-out. 我是个淑女 I'm a lady. 你好 Hey. 嗨 Hi. -你怎么在这 -你俩 现在来我办公室 - What are you doing here? - You two, in my office, now. 查理 Charlie, 这是柯尔斯顿 this is Kirsten. -这是柯尔斯顿的助手海尔格 -哈珀 - Kirsten's assistant, Helga. - Harper. 你好 Hello. 你们俩需要彼此了解一下 You two should get to know each other 因为柯尔斯顿和我 because Kirsten and I, 我们要结婚了 we're getting married. 哇哦 Wow. 真的吗 太棒了 Really? That's great. 真令人惊讶 Amazing. 超赞 Wonderful. 我们要飞到圣约翰 我们要到海滩上私奔 We're flying to St. John's, we're gonna elope on the beach, 看日落 做所有浪漫的事 sunsets, all that romantic shit. 我们需要你们俩来设计安排一下 We want you two to set it up. 我们 当然了 Us. Of course. 很显然 除了我们谁还能做到呢 Obviously, because who else would do it? 我们可以搞定 日落 圣约翰 We can do that. Sunset, St. John's. 你为什么不和汉丽埃塔一样拿笔记下来 How come you're not writing this down like Henrietta? 怎么了 What's going on? 我们能做到 We can make that happen. -你们什么时候出发 -下周六 - When do you wanna go? - Next Saturday. 下周六吗 Next Saturday? 好快啊 That's so soon. 我要离开很久 也没什么可做的 I'm gonna be gone for so long, there's gonna be little to do. 这可是个好时机来准备 This is a good time to prep that draft 关于你所说的老年人的草案。 on the nonagenarians you were talking about. 当然 那真是 Yes, please. That would be... 很棒 wonderful. 好的 查理 我要给你升职 Okay. And, Charlie, I'm giving you a promotion. 真的吗 What? 所以 等我们回来的时候 So, when we get back, 你可以给新来的家伙培训几周 you can teach the new bastard for a few weeks, -让他达到你这样的水平 -当然 - and bring him up to your level. - Absolutely. 这就好 Okay. -我们马上就合法了 -你真有趣 - We'll make this legal. - You're ridiculous. 给我 Give me some of that. 现在吗 你们怎么还在这 Now? Are you still here? 我们这就走 Yeah. 我的老天哪 Oh, my God. 来 今天我们可以在地区俱乐部工作了 All right. We can work from the District Club today. 先生 Sir. 我想举办盛大的派对来庆祝 等我们回来 I wanna throw a big party to celebrate, when we're back. 邀请所有的女孩 Invite all the usual girls. 或许我们应该在婚礼之前举办派对 Maybe we should have a party before the wedding. 我日程表上有什么安排 What's on my agenda? 有玛丽的迎婴派对 我已经替你取消了 You have Mary's baby shower, but I canceled that for you. -现在我会去 -真的吗 - I'll go to that now. - You will? 我以后也会有孩子 I'll finally have something they'll wanna talk about. 请坐 哈珀 Have a seat, Harper. 你和 好的 抱歉 You and...? Okay. All right. Sorry. 我要给你一些建议 I'm gonna give you some advice. 当你占据上风的时候男人不会想和你约会 Men don't wanna date you when you're beating them to a story. 但我遇到了一个希望我坚强的人 But I have met someone who wants me to be strong. 他为我的成功而高兴 他与众不同 And he likes that I'm successful. He's a goddamn unicorn. 我也不清楚 也许是天意吧 I don't know. It feels like fate. -我知道我挺招人嫌的 -你没有 - I know that I've been cunty to you. - You haven't. -别做不会说脏话的女人 -我明白 - Don't be those women that can't say cunt. - I am not. 我知道我很毒舌 一部分原因是你很年轻 I know I've been cunty. It's partly because you're young 你脸上全是胶原蛋白 让人恼火 但 and your skin bounces back, and it annoys me, but... 那是因为我希望你能成功 it's because I want you to succeed. 您什么意思 What do you mean? 我看到了你的潜能 I see so much potential in you. 但你需要变得更坚强 But you have to have tough skin. 所以 如果我是你遇到的最糟糕的人的话 So, if I'm the most awful person when this 即使行业里的麻烦对你而言很困难 shitstorm of an industry is hard on you, 我也明白你是有所准备的 I know that you'll be prepared. 我的厨师A系列就会是这样的灾难 MyChef Series A is gonna be such a disaster. 我们很聪明 没有投资 We're so smart we didn't invest with them. 别忘了告诉琪琪 Don't forget to tell Kiki. 关于我的厨师 About MyChef? 不 当然不是 是婚礼 No, dummy. About the wedding. 还有约会 比她的早六个周 And the date. Six weeks before hers. 邀请她了吗 Is she invited? 寄给了她一大束雏菊 她不喜欢雏菊 Send her a big bouquet of daisies. She hates daisies. 写了张小纸条 上面写着 哈哈 With a note that says, "Ha, ha. 我要打败你了 I'm gonna beat you to the altar. 但是今晚 我们一起敲击靴子 But tonight, we're gonna knock boots 就跟以前我们在那艘瑞士小船上一样 like we did on that Swiss gondola." -然后 很显然 -怎么了 - And, obviously - what? 告诉柯尔斯顿我今天晚上有事 Tell Kirsten I have a meeting or something tonight. 我还以为 Well... I just thought, uh... 我还在想你不是要和柯尔斯顿结婚吗 I thought you were gonna marry Kirsten. 对啊 你提醒我了 这周去珠宝店 Yeah, I am. Which reminds me. This week, go to a ring spot 买一枚大到可以从太空中看见的戒指 and get a ring so big, you can see that shit from space. 这儿的食物太糟糕了 Food here sucks. 查理 你成功了 Charlie, you did it. 什么 我没有 What? Well, I didn't. 我也成功了 我们都做到了 I did it. We both did it. 你在说啥呢 What are we talking about? 我知道我们一开始只为了自己 I know this started out selfishly for us, 但是我们让两个人相爱了 but we made two people fall in love. 我们让两个可怜人感到开心 We made two miserable people happy. 我考虑过最好的状况 他们才约会一个月 I thought best-case, they'd date for a month. 但是他们真心喜欢对方 But they actually really like each other. 我们改变了他们的生活 We changed their lives. 我为我们骄傲 我们做了一件非常好的事 I'm proud of us. I think we did something really good. 我也这么觉得 Me, too. 所以我在看肯奈尔湾度假村 So, I was looking at the Caneel Bay Resort. 他们下周六还有档期 They have a slot next Saturday. 你能来帮我选一枚戒指吗 Will you come help me pick out the ring? 当然不行 Absolutely not. 我需要回办公室 把这些东西放下 I gotta go to the office, drop off these things. 拜托 你肯定比我在行 Please? You're better at this than me. 我需要女性的专业建议 I need female expertise. 你知道柯尔斯顿的喜好 You know what Kirsten likes. 你最漂亮了 你最有魅力了 你最机智了 You're beautiful. You're charming. You are witty. -你最聪明了 -行吧 好 - You are clever... - Okay, fine. 赞 太好了 如果你要回办公室 Yes! Great. If you're going back to the office, 能把我桌子上瑞克的个人信用卡拿来吗 can you grab Rick's personal Amex on my desk? 你需要提醒我 如果你要 You gotta warn me if you're gonna 在我工作时间发来那样的照片 send me photos like that when I'm at work. 不 不 我当然想看 Oh, no, no. Of course I want them. 我只是不想把它们跟一群日本银行家们分享 I don't wanna show them to a bunch of Japanese bankers. 今晚 你要穿那条红色的裙子 Tonight, you need to wear that red dress. 因为你那样穿太性感了 Because you look so hot in that dress. 我都无法集中注意力 I can't concentrate. 那就好 我努力健身 Good. I don't work this hard on 就是希望我的身体能吸引人 this body for it not to be a distraction. 我们不再是夫妻了 We're not married anymore 所以我没必要听你的话去穿什么 so you can't tell me what to wear. 我们可以试试我们在蜜月做过的那件事吗 Can we try that thing we did on our honeymoon? -你觉得在太空也能看到它吗 -当然 - You think you could see this from space? - Yes. 这就是那位幸运的姑娘吗 Hi. Oh, is this the lucky lady? 你觉得柯尔斯顿会怎么看血钻 How do you think Kirsten feels about blood diamonds? 给你 我拿到这张卡的时候太奇怪了 Here. It was so weird when I got the card. 我听到瑞克在电话里和别人在调情 I heard Rick flirting with somebody on the phone. 我觉得柯尔斯顿正在开会 But I think Kirsten in a meeting. 你觉得这是怎么回事 What do you think that was? 我觉得那可能是 I... What I think it probably was, 他可能想留一个超性感的 he likes to leave like a super-sexy 语音给她去听 little voicemail for her to listen to. 稍后听 And hear later. 我觉得柯尔斯顿喜欢黄宝石 I think Kirsten likes topaz. 你觉得她喜欢黄宝石吗 Do you think she likes topaz? 当然 你觉得琪琪喜欢黄宝石吗 Pretty sure. Do you think Kiki likes topaz? 她和瑞克在电话里调情的时候 She didn't mention it 可没提这件事 when she and Rick were having phone sex. 你唬我 刚刚是一个圈套 You tricked me. That was entrapment. 你刚刚承认了 You just admitted it. 你骗了我 你早就知道了 You lied to me. You knew. 就这一次 确实是个错误 It's one time. It was a mistake. 并不能说明什么 Doesn't mean anything. 在我们为他做了这么多事之后 After everything we did for him 他糊涂了 他只是需要 He's confused. He just needed to get it 在婚礼之前从他的习惯里走出来 out of his system before the wedding. 婚礼 The wedding? 他们不能结婚了 查理 They can't still get married, Charlie. 这是为了婚礼吗 我有一个超棒的推荐 Oh, this is for a wedding. I actually have a great selection. 给我们一点空间 谢谢 We need one minute. Thank you. 哈珀 我们能不告诉她吗 Harper, we can keep this from her. 我们控制着他们的通话 邮件 We control their phones, their e-mails. 我们是幕后主使 We're the men behind the curtain. 她没必要知道这些 She doesn't have to know about this. 你想帮瑞克去骗柯尔斯顿吗 You wanna help Rick cheat on Kirsten? 我们已经伪造了他们的整段关系 We have faked their entire relationship. 现在就一件事出错了 突然在幕后工作 Now one thing goes wrong and it's like a crime 就像是犯罪一样了吗 to suddenly work behind the scenes? 不是 No. 从来就是不对的 It was never okay. 但是现在你愿意去毁掉别人的人生 But now you're willing... to ruin somebody's life 只是为了你可以和一些无聊的女孩儿约会 just so you can keep dating some boring girl 并且在无关紧要的工作中忙的久一点 and work longer hours in a job that does not matter. 我毁了谁的人生 他们的吗 Whose life am I ruining? Their life？ 他们没有生活 是我们给了他们生活 They had no lives. We gave them lives. 你比瑞克更坏 You're worse than Rick. 瑞克是一个自私的 Rick is... He's a selfish, 肤浅的混蛋 但是他自己也没办法 superficial asshole, but he can't help it. 你本来可以是一个好人的 You could be a good person, 但是你要当一个混蛋 but you wanna be an asshole. 你太执着于升职和变成瑞克 You're so obsessed with getting promoted and becoming Rick. 以至于你选择成为一个人渣 You're choosing to be a piece of shit. 别再假装这是某种道德困境了 Stop pretending this is some moral dilemma. 你只是怕自己再也当不成助理了 You are afraid not to be an assistant anymore. 胡扯 That's ridiculous. 这么多空闲时间你写出什么东西了吗 Have you written anything with all this free time? 随便什么 Anything? 你完成了一篇文章或者按计划做了吗 You finish one article or you just keep planning to? 我觉得你宁愿拿着咖啡到处跑 I think you'd rather run around, getting Kirsten coffee 也不愿意坐下 than sit down, 写些什么然后发现自己糟糕透了 write something and find out you suck. 我要告诉柯尔斯顿 I'm telling Kirsten. 所有的真相 The whole truth. 所有的 All of it. 不 不 不 对不起 这是个 No, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That was the... 你没有被捕 把你的手放下来 You're not under arrest. Put your hands down. 你需要把戒指拿下来 总是发生这种事 We need to get the ring off. This happens all the time. 当然不是你俩合谋 Not the part where you two collaborate 欺骗你的上司 to, like, trick your bosses 去约会然后发展的 我并没有偷听 into dating and then it blows... I wasn't listening. -要蛋糕吗 -我要尝一个 - Anyone for cake? - I'll try one. 对不起我出现了 Uh, I'm sorry to just show up. 你忘了这个 You forgot this. 谢谢 说真的 你救了我 Thanks. Honestly, you saved me. 如果我真的不得不听其他女人谈论 If I have to hear another woman talk about 自从怀孕后她们的乳头 how much her nipples changed 变了多少 我会杀了我自己的 since giving birth, I'll kill myself. 我发誓 哈珀 I swear to God, Harper. 我和未婚妻走到这里 I walked in here with a fiancé, 突然我就是团队的一员了 and suddenly, I'm a member of a club. 她们只想讨论要孩子的事 All they wanna talk about is plan to having kids. 首先 我要成为一名继母 First, I have to be a stepmother. 我不认为你应该成为继母 I don't think you should be a stepmother. 我不认为你应该和瑞克结婚 I don't think you should marry Rick 因为你并不是真的喜欢他 because you don't actually like him. -我当然爱他了 -不 你不爱 - Of course I do. I love him. - No, you don't. 所有的事 你们之间的关系 This whole thing, your whole relationship, 都不是真的 it's not real. 你在说什么啊 What are you talking about? 我和瑞克的助理设计了一切 Rick's assistant and I set you up. 不 怎么可能 No, you didn't. 我们把电梯停了所以你们才相遇 We shut down the elevator so you'd meet. 洋基队的比赛 是我让你上的接吻镜头 The Yankees game, I got you on the Kiss Cam. 你们分手的时候是我们教他应该怎么说 And when you guys broke up we told him what to say. 楠塔基特岛 那些花 Nantucket, the flowers, 所有的一切都是我们安排的 all of it,that was us. 是我们让你们觉得相互喜欢 We made you think you liked each other. 实际上你并不认识他 你也不会喜欢他 But you don't know this guy. You don't like him. 你对他的感觉 不是真的 What you feel for him, it's not real. 你根本不知道什么才是真实 You have no idea what is real. 你觉得你懂什么是亲密关系吗 You think you understand the intimacy of a relationship? 你才25岁 我不管它怎么开始的 You're 25. I don't care how it started. -他没有看到你 -别说了 - He doesn't see you. - Stop talking. 你被解雇了 You're fired. 什么 What? 滚 Get out. 票订好了吗 Tickets booked? 是的 Uh... Yeah. Yes. 订好了 They are. 为了婚礼 For the wedding. 行 Cool. 柯尔斯顿·史蒂文斯的办公室 Kirsten Stevens' office. 我知道你现在不想和我说话 I know you don't wanna talk to me right now -但是听我说完 -你是哪位 - but just hear me out. - Who is this? 哈珀 Harper? 我在负责柯尔斯顿的事物 I'm covering Kirsten's desk. 有什么可以帮你的吗 Can I help you with something? 没有 No. 谢谢你 Thank you. 待会儿来喝一点吗 Coming to drinks later? 我们认为市值被高估了 We thought the market cap was overvalued. 我们研究了大学城 惊喜的发现 We looked at college towns, and surprisingly 做个人吧你 You gotta be better. 并没有什么用 This is not working. 妈妈 我发现参观婚礼场地 Mom, it turns out touring wedding venues 比参观大学好玩多了 is so much more fun than touring colleges, 因为所有吃的喝的都不要钱 because of all the free food and booze out... 我待会儿再联系你 Oh, I gotta call you back. 我的天呐 Oh, my God. 这就像龙卷风袭击了一个中国人 It is like a tornado hit a Chinese... 你还好吗 Hey, are you okay? 你为什么没去工作 哈珀 Why are you not at work? Harper. 因为我被炒了 Because I got fired. 真的吗 Really? 这真的太棒了 That's amazing. 恭喜你 Congratulations. 不是吗 Right? 你还好吗 Are you okay? 我在那儿花了好多时间 I spent so much time there. 而且我一篇文章都写不出 And I never wrote a single article. 现在柯尔斯顿恨我 Now Kirsten hates me. 她也绝不会帮我 And she'll never help me. 我真的不擅长这个 我花了一个月尝试 I'm bad at this. I've been trying to write the same article 写同样的文章 贝卡 for months, Becca. 但是它太糟了 我完不成了 And it's so bad I can't finish it. 你的第一稿当然写不好 Of course your first draft is gonna be bad. 它会很糟糕 It's gonna be terrible. 但是你知道该怎么办吗 哈珀 Then you know what you do, Harper? 你修改它 然后把它变得更好 You go back and you make it better. 但是你没办法让它变好除非你付出行动啊 But you can't make it better until you actually do it. 你才不是一个坏作家 别再顾影自怜了 You're not a bad writer yet. Stop feeling sorry for yourself 放手去写就好了 and just write something bad. 是的 柯尔斯顿是很刻薄 Yes, Kirsten was mean. 但是你从她那儿学了好多 But you learned so much from her. 你只是没机会去用它们 You just never had the time to use it. 但是现在 亲爱的 你有时间了 And now, bud, you got the time. 所以赶紧开始行动吧 So, get off your bony little ass and just do it! 我要写 I'm gonna write... 有史以来最烂的文章 the shittiest article ever written. 太棒了 一定烂透了 我好想看 Yes. It's gonna suck ass. I can't wait to read it. 行 我要开始了 Okay. I got this. 你要整理一下吗 或者我们请个人 Are you cleaning this up or we gonna hire someone? 在我写完一整篇之前 I am not leaving this chair 我是不会离开这把椅子的 until I write an entire article. 真好 对我来说可是个好消息 Great. That's great news for me. 能给我来些免费的薯片和水吗 Can I get some free chips and water? 我总想来这吃 I always wanted to eat here. 这是卡戴珊举办侃爷生日派对的地方 This is where Kim threw Kanye's half-birthday party. 我们最好的位置 Our best table. 好激动啊 This is exciting. 这是我吃过最好吃的饭了 This is the best meal I've ever had. 我吃过最好吃的饭 The best meal I ever had 是从消防楼梯扔过去的五块钱的披萨 was a $5 pizza thrown up a fire escape. 什么 What? 这里太烂了 This sucks. 这地方太烂了 This whole place sucks. 味道很奇怪 也很出奇的安静 It smells weird. It's far too quiet. 这牛排虽然很香 但是不值70美元 And this steak is delicious. It is not worth $70. 你我之间从来没聊过天 And you and I, we never talk about anything. 我不想变得很混蛋 I don't want to wanna be an asshole. 别发疯了 赶紧吃你的牛排吧 You sound insane. Just eat your steak. 如果15岁的我看到我现在这个样子 If my 15-year-old self would see me now, 绝对会把我往死里打 he would punch me in the dick. 我不想在维持这个关系了 苏士 I don't wanna do this anymore, Suze. 但你是我"备胎"啊 But you're my backup. 你知道吗 You know what? 随便点 我请你 Order whatever you want, on me. 我在干什么呀 你又不是我女朋友了 What am I doing? You're not my girlfriend anymore. 把钱给我 我又不是慈善家 Give me that. I'm not Rockefeller. 洛克菲勒:美国资本家，晚年投身慈善事业 哈珀 你是对的 Harper. You were right. 我们得阻止他们结婚 我现在赶去机场 We can't let them do this. I'm going to JFK. JFK：肯尼迪机场 在候机楼等我 Meet me at the terminal. 就廉价的那一件 It's the cheap one. 没时间啦 你们留着吧 Don't have time. Leaving the coat. 帮我叫个出租车 我得立刻去机场 I need a taxi. I gotta get to the airport right now. 我得阻止某人结婚 I gotta stop someone from getting married. 距离飞机起飞还有 Flight leaves in... Oh. 我看看 四个小时 I got, like, four hours. 时代广场已经去过了 And we've been to Times Square. 博物馆怎么样 去大都会博物馆吗 What about museums? Should we go to the Met? 不知道 话说 你喜欢那种心灵鸡汤式的 I don't know. I mean... Do you like beautiful art that makes you 重审人生的美丽艺术吗 re-examine what it means to be human? -喜欢啊 -好吧 那去大都会对了 - Yeah. - Then, yeah. The Met's worth it. 事实上 如果你现在去还没关门呢 In fact, it may still be open if you go right... 天 我差点就做了一件蠢事 Oh, my God. I did the over-dick-around thing. 不好意思 Sorry. 瑞克 Rick? 你好啊 我有忘带什么东西吗 Hey. Did I forget something? 是啊 你没把你的混蛋气息带走 Yeah. That you're a bastard. 我不想变成你这样的混蛋 我也不会 I don't wanna be like you. I'm not gonna be. 我不想升职 我要辞职 I don't want the promotion. I quit. 行吧 Okay. 柯尔斯顿 别嫁给他 Kirsten? Don't marry him. 是啊 这个小伙子和你挺般配的 Do it, honey. Go with the young guy. 不 不 我才不要 Oh, no. No, no. 我的意思是 她是很有魅力 I mean, she's a very handsome woman. -但和她没关系 -查理 你被炒了 - Just not what's going on here. - Charlie. You're fired as fuck. 是我要辞职 不是被炒 I literally just quit. 柯尔斯顿 我知道你不知道我 Kirsten, I know you don't know me, 但我知道你 but I know you, 因为哈珀总是在跟我讲你 because all Harper does is talk about you. 即便在抱怨你的时候 And even when she's complaining about you, 也是很恭维的语气 she's really complimenting you. 我知道你工作很认真并且也很厉害 I know how hard you work and what a badass you are, 也知道你忍受不了任何瑕疵 and I know you don't put up with any shit. 所以 不要委屈地和他在一起 So, don't put up with his. 我不知道你能从中得到什么 I don't know what you think you're getting 但你值得有更好的男人爱你 out of this, but you deserve better. 因为你很优秀 You are better. 天呐 好肉麻啊 Oh, my God. Gave myself goose bumps. 他就是个疯子 你看到了吧 He's crazy. You realize that? 我最喜欢的食物是什么 What's my favorite food? 你最喜欢吃鞑靼牛排 Your favorite... It's steak tartare. 是绿咖喱饭啊 你个二傻子 It's green curry, you douche-tard. 她喜欢百老汇泰式中辣绿咖喱 She likes it medium-spicy from Thai Leaf on Broadway. 我最喜欢哪个地方 What's my favorite place? 琪琪 我 Kiki, I ca... 这样做太愚蠢了 This is ridiculous. 为什么要测试我 Why are we...? 柯尔斯顿 你叫柯尔斯顿 Kirsten. Your name is Kirsten. 是新罕布什尔州的斯夸姆湖 哈批 Squam Lake, New Hampshire, you douche-tard. 查理 我知道你不是他助理了 Charlie, I know you're no longer his assistant, 但你能划掉他行程上的"婚礼"吗 but could you please strike "wedding" from his calendar? 没问题 Absolutely. 你认真的吗 Are you being serious? 听我说 琪琪是柯尔斯顿的爱称 No. Kiki's short for Kirsten. 但我想这并没有给她生活的意义 去追逐梦想 见了很多世面 经历了很多 最后有了一个梦想 吉尔达的孙女消沉了很长一段时间 "我很感激" 完成啦 I finished. 整篇文章 The whole article. 我写完啦 完结啦 I finished it. From beginning to end. 我写完了 我写完了整篇小说 I finished it. I finished the whole thing. 先生 你就是我的英雄 You, sir, are a hero and scholar, 你会获得服务业史上 and are about to receive the greatest tip 最多的小费 in the history of the service industry. 实际上 我没带钱包 不如明天 Technically, I don't have my wallet on me. Tomorrow... 马上离开 别让我再见到你 Leave this place and never return. 我写完啦 I did it. 你好 Hey. -你来干什么 -你住这吗 - What do you want? - You live here? 这地方好脏 It's disgusting. 等下 等下 听我说 Hold up. Hold up, hold up. 对不起 我只是 I'm sorry. I just... 我是来 I, uh... 问你关于我妻子的信息的 I need some information on, uh, my wife. 准确的说是我前妻 My ex-wife. 哪方面的 Like what? 我记在本上了 有分类收藏 I got some written down here. Uh, assorted favorites, 最喜欢的食物 as in, uh, favorite foods, -花 衣服 -你是来搞笑的吧 - flowers, clothing... - Are you serious? 听着 我觉得我得知道这些 Look, I realize I should know this. 但以前都是你替我做这些 But you used to do all this stuff for me. 我想把她追回来 I want her back. 我有一个旧琪琪资料 I have an old Kiki file. 我会发给你 I'll send it over to you. 谢谢 太感谢了 Thank you. Thank you. 没错 谢谢你 Yeah. Thank you. 真的很感激 I really appreciate this. 瑞克 你还在给他打工吗 没有 Rick. You still work for this guy? Nope. 那是豆奶 很高兴见到你 瑞克 It's soy. Nice seeing you, Rick. 瑞克 拜拜了 Bye, Rick. -你好 -你在这啊 - Hi. - Oh. 你可算来了 Thank God you're here. 我找不到那篇尼日利亚女足队员的文章 I can't find that piece on lesbian soccer players in Nigeria. 也许在你的"回收站"里 Probably in your "deleted" folder. 还有我没找到朱丽的电话号 Also I can't find Julie's number. 你让我在你联系人里把她改成撒旦 You made me change it to Satan in your contacts. 还有快回来工作 Also Come back to work. 什么啊 What? 你触碰了每一条规则 You crossed every line ever. 我真的考虑过不提醒你 I genuinely considered setting you up 然后让你去蹲监狱 for white-collar crime and just letting you rot in jail. 但我换位思考了并且理解了你 But I understand in some ways what you were trying to do. 你确实是个人才 You're not an unintelligent person. 我不知道你怎么搞得这些 I don't know how you did all this. 这地方没有你就会分崩离析 This place is falling apart without you. 回来助我一臂之力吧 Come back and do it with me. 我从你身上学到了很多 I learned so much from you. 你就是我的偶像 You're my hero. 但如果我真想当一个作家 But if I wanna actually be a writer, I 我不能再为不创作找借口了 have to stop making excuses not to write. 所以我不能成为你的助理 So, I can't be your assistant. 但我很乐意帮你再找一个新助理 But I'd love to help you find a new one. 你再一次被解雇了 You're fired again. 我得去收拾我的东西 不然太尴尬了 I have to get my stuff. This is awkward. 你有写出什么了吗 Have you written anything? 我又写出什么吗 当然 我写出来了 Have I written anything? Yes. I have written something. 找到了 It's just... It's right here. 让我们一起来过一下 Let's go over it. -让我看看我没看过的 -好的 - Tell me something I don't know. - Okay. -"暮光捍卫者" -是的 标题还 - "Twilight Champions." - Yeah, but that title is... -不 我喜欢 不错 -我也喜欢 - No, I like it. I love the title. - I like it, too. I could like it. 讲的是老年奥运会吗 This is about the geriatric Olympiads? 如果我在开头描写太多吉尔达的话 If I spend too much time on Gilda in the beginning, 读者就会觉得她以后会死 people will know that she's gonna die. 让她的死成为一个转折点 Let her death be a twist. 得等到哈利赢得他第一个 Hold off until after Harry wins his first med... 你好啊 Hi. 所以 你来这干什么 So, what are you doing here? 柯尔斯顿让我来这里见她 Oh, Kirsten told me to meet her. 你在这干什么呢 What are you doing here? 我天 不是吧 Oh, my God. -她在撮合我们 -是的 就是她 - She Cyrano'd us. - Yes, she... 我上网查过 所以我知道它的意思 I Googled it. So, I know what it means now. 为什么你穿这么休闲 Why are you dressed like that? 我不在这工作了 我从瑞克那辞职了 I don't work here anymore. I quit working for Rick. 28岁 从头开始了 Starting over. At 28. 事实上 我是临时工 我比 Actually, I'm a temp, which is technically lower 助理的地位要低 on the totem pole than an assistant, 虽然真的很痛心 which is kind of a kick in the nuts. 但也挺好的 But it's, um, kind of cool. 我有机会去尝试其他不同的工作 I get to see a bunch of different jobs. 找到我到底喜欢什么 Find out what I actually like. 我非常非常 I like you. 喜欢你 So, so much. 想得到你并不难 You're not hard to get at all. 但赢得你的芳心很难 You're hard to earn. 好太多了 It's so much better. 关键的时候你却没了个性 You displayed a total lack of character when it mattered. 我知道 I know. 查理 你七年级起就表现出了 Charlie, you have the romantic and 浪漫的个性 sexual personality of a seventh-grader. 七年级吗 我以为至少是高中的时候 Seventh? I feel like it'd be at least high school. 你穿着西装去参加运动会 You wear suits to sports games. 你说什么 What? 你真是无所不知 You're a know-it-all. 你的啤酒乒乓球技术令人难以置信的差劲 You are unbelievably bad at beer pong. 你什么都能赢 感叹号用得太多 You're a sore winner. And you use too many exclamation points. 然而 And yet... 我好兴奋啊 I feel joy. 也许我也喜欢公共场合秀恩爱 Maybe I love love in open spaces, too. 本文来源：https://www.wddqw.com/doc/a20c21c16194dd88d0d233d4b14e852459fb395b.html